Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

If your not supposed to abuse cough syrup, why does it come with its own little shot glass?

If plan A fails, remember that you have 25 other letters.

If breeding really is about survival of the fittest, how come lazy idiots on welfare do it so well?

94% of all gang members only join in order to have something to do with their hands in photos.

My husband woke me up at 430am. There will be hell to pay. >_<

The police are gonna start using drones to spy on us? Good, I'll be naked in my back yard if you need me.

So the post office will no longer be delivering on Saturday. Just another old story to tell the grand kids about when I'm older.

Why are valentines hearts not in the shape of a human heart...and bloody? Maybe women wouldn't want to much chocolate if they were.

When all my teeth fall out I'm going to wear dentures made out of titanium. Senior citizen my ass; I'll be a cranky old bastard with fangs.

Why do people use hashtags on FB? It makes no sense.

Please stop retweeting all the stupid things people say. O.o

Next inappropriate conversation in 3..2..1..

Retweet this if you haven't murdered anyone today.

What does the zombie apocalypse mean to you.

Let's all take a moment and be thankful that spiders can't fly.

Why do people come up behind me and hug me? Do I have bad breath?

Someone tell me why in the movies the pregnant mother spits out a baby the size of a six month old.

I had a better social life when I was like 8 years old than I do now.

Do you know how often psychiatrists use the word "affect?" Hint: It's a lot. Then they throw in "effect" just to mess with you.

Not watching American Idol this year. Nicki Minaj irritates me to much to see the show.

Why isn't anything in Wal-Mart free yet, if they're lowering prices every day?

Dear cat, warn me before you fart next time, gagging, me.

My brother lives in Riverside. I told him to stay the hell inside. The #LAPD might think he looks like the suspect and shoot him.