Rat Humor

The Verminator! Dishwasher Tired of hours spent slaving away at the kitchen sink or enduring ugly dishpan hands? Annoyed at the inefficiency and complicated use of those other dishwashers?  Then this is the product for you! Designed by a team of world class biologists, The Verminator! is the cutting edge in kitchen cleaning technology.  Just place your dirty dishes in the specially designed rodent cage and within minutes The Verminator!'s biological cleaning agents will produce sparkling clean dishes.  No need to add any of those nasty chemical detergents and with no electricity use you'll be saving money and the environment! The Verminator! Dishwasher - for squeaky clean dishes! But wait... there's more!!  Buy today and you'll receive not one, but two hungry rats!  Yes, that's right... this wonderful new product complete with two hungry rats.  Double the cleaning power - perfect for dinner parties and other high speed cleaning applications. And as a special to our credit card customers who phone in the next 30 minutes, a free introductory offer of a pair of baby mice, perfect for cleaning delicate glassware. Yes, that's right, you get The Verminator!, not one, but two hungry rats PLUS a pair of baby mice... everything you'll ever want for your kitchen cleaning needs, all at this amazingly low price!!! Call now on 555-CleanRat, our operators are standing by. --------------------- Rat self help courses The Rodent Education Centre offers the following courses, available to all ratties: "Gnaw your way to sharper teeth" "To stash or not to stash" "Begging for dummies" "Getting your way with squeaks and squirms" "You CAN be alpha!" "The lazy buck's guide to tail grooming" "Humping your cagemates for fun and dominance" "Marking:  It makes scents!" "The art of T-shirt lace making" "Free ranging: 101 ways to avoid capture" "DIY Claw sharpening" "The world is your toilet: de-programming litter training" "Beginners Bruxing" "Toss a raisin and 101 other ways to get attention" ---------------------- Signs your rat has learned your internet password - by ?? and with additions from me You find email flames in your inbox from some guy named "Templeton" You discover flecks of aspen bedding in your keyboard You've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.yogurtdrops Your web browser has a new home page: www.hotrats.com Your mouse is resting in a hammock in its very own deluxe cage Your keyboard has a strong territorial scent to it On IRC you're known as KingRat (or QueenRat) There are tiny carpal tunnel braces near your rat's cage Your rat suddenly develops the need to sway to focus on things You find the tools and materials required to construct a home-made bomb in your rat's stash Your desktop image has been changed to a photograph of some girl rat called Camille Someone has run up your credit card with purchases from www.vitakraft.com The stickers have all been stripped from your computer casing ----------------------- The EpiRatty Tired of shaving your legs?  Fed up with razor nicks and rashes?  Can't afford the expense of professional waxing? Then this is the product for you!  The EpiRatty(TM)! The EpiRatty(TM) is a large cute agouti rat.  No batteries required, just rub his butt and he will barber your skin, delicately ripping out those unwanted hairs in seconds!  He even has a built in lick mode that soothes the skin afterwards. Phone 555 EPI RAT.  Our operators are standing by.