Holiday Blues

I know I'm not the only one who gets them but I've suffered with depression my entire life. For some reason that I can't understand I get even more depressed around the Holidays. I try to get out of it by cooking, making gifts, decorating...oh boy do I decorate.

We live in a 1 bedroom apartment and I usually have three small artificial tree's up as well as all types of other decorations up. 8 boxes worth, but when I'm all done and all the decorating is up, I look at it all and feel like crying..every year. Thanksgiving is a little better because there's no sad Thanksgiving music, and I make it a point not to watch anything that will make me sad on tv.

I just can't take it. But this year I've decided to hit this depression head on, I have an appointment with my doctor next weeka nd I am going to ask him for another anti-depressant and see what he says. Because the fact is, I'm not sure I'll be able to cope this year if I don't get some help. I can already feel it coming on and I ahve a bad feeling it's going to be a bad one. I don't want that, those feelings of utter uselessness and hopelessness...so maybe the doc can help me out.

The other reason I'm going to the doctor is I've had a lump in my stomach for about 3 years that I have put off getting checked out...and now it's starting to hurt...a lot. So I'm gonna see if we can't figure out what it is, hopfully it's nothing and will go away...yeah I have a good imagination don't I? I must live in fairy tale land to think this is nothing and is going to go away without surgery or some other form of intervention. Yea, oh joy, just what I need.