I've been thinking of writing an autobiography or memoir but it just never comes together for me but I figured if I write one story at a time and post it on my blog maybe once a month, I can do that. Maybe one day I'll pull all the stories together and put them in a book but for now I'll just share some stories with you about my childhood. Some of the stories will be happy, some sad and some horrific because that was my childhood. But they will all be real, things that actually happened. If it seems like something that people enjoy reading maybe I'll keep it going. These stories will not be in any kind of order, I'll just write them as they come to me.
Uncle Jack
My grandmother (mom's mother) got married for the first time when she was 12 years old ( sometime in the 1940's) to a man who was much older than her. She lived in Ohio and she told me that's just how things were back then. She got pregnant right after she got married but her husband died (I don't know what from) before her son (Uncle Jack) was born. So she and her parents decided that she would give my Uncle Jack to one of her adult cousins to raise. There was no formal adoption, she just gave him to her cousin who sent her pictures and updates about him as he got older. My grandma didn't have much to do with uncle Jack when he was growing up although he knew she was his mother.
Years later my grandma would meet my grandpa, they would get married and have my mom. My uncle Jack was jealous of my mom and was mad that my grandma kept and raised her while she gave him away even though he would say that he had a good life. When he was 18 he enlisted in the Army and did two tours in the Vietnam War. I was a little kid when he first came to my parents house for a visit sometime in the late 70's. My mom wanted a relationship with him even though he threw it in her face all the time that grandma kept her and not him.
A few years later when I was 12 and living with my grandma after my parents divorced, uncle Jack would come over to grandma's house all the time. But he had some serious mental issues because of what he saw in the war and caused trouble all the time. One time when they had gotten into an argument my uncle Jack took one of my grandma's pictures, tore it up, put it in an envelope with a threatening letter saying her knew how to kill her and never get caught. And wrapped the envelope around a voodoo doll that he had stuck pins in and hung it from her fence one night while we were asleep. My grandma found it the next morning.
She was so freaked out over what he did and she knew it was him from some of the other things he had done, that she took the envelope and voodoo doll down to the police station and got a restraining order against him. We didn't see him again for a few months when he apologized. But his wife Cecilia would come over to our house and tell my grandma that he was having night terrors and would try to strangle her or hold a knife that he kept under his pillow to her throat while he was asleep. They both tried to get him to go to the hospital for treatment but he wouldn't go and she eventually divorced him a few months later.
She was so freaked out over what he did and she knew it was him from some of the other things he had done, that she took the envelope and voodoo doll down to the police station and got a restraining order against him. We didn't see him again for a few months when he apologized. But his wife Cecilia would come over to our house and tell my grandma that he was having night terrors and would try to strangle her or hold a knife that he kept under his pillow to her throat while he was asleep. They both tried to get him to go to the hospital for treatment but he wouldn't go and she eventually divorced him a few months later.
That is another really sad story. For everyone involved. At 12 or 13 your grandmother wasn't in a position to raise her son - now we would say she needed 'raising' herself.
ReplyDeleteAnd poor Uncle Jack. You can understand why he felt rejected, and Vietnam did a number on so many people.
The stories in my family just never end and so many of them are sad or have sad endings. Uncle Jack wanted to be a part of the family, I can see that now, I just don't think he knew where he fit in.
DeleteWhat a terrible time he must have had in Vietnam. It seems like that part of the story is common.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm sure he really did.
DeleteThat's such a sad story, both on your grandmother's side (imagine becoming a wife and then a mother at 12/13!) and your uncle's. I'm sure he would have been diagnosed with PTSD nowadays, and probably the abandonment trauma feed into it too, but I guess he was already prone to mental health issues, because he did a few extreme things to his wife (though he didn't bring them to fruition, thank goodness). Do you have any recent info about him? I hope he found help somewhere...
ReplyDeleteUncle Jack died in 2009 from heart failure. My grandma died in 1988 from the flu. He and my mom got close and talked a lot as they got older and he was at a lot of family functions when I was a teenager. He still caused problems sometimes, that's just who he was but he was around when I was a teenager.
DeleteAt least there's that. I'm glad he found his place in the family.
Delete("fed" into it)
ReplyDeleteI knew what you meant.
DeleteThat's incredibly tragic all the way around.
ReplyDeleteIt really is.
DeleteBeing born to a 12-year-old mother and then going to war at 18 is a terrible start in life, and it doesn't seem to have done his mental stability any good. Sending somebody a letter saying you can kill them and never get caught is a good way to ensure that, if something does happen to that person, you will get caught.
ReplyDeleteHe never did do anything and he calmed down as time went on for a while. He came to family functions and still caused problems sometimes but then so did most of my other family.
DeleteHow tragic for everyone involved. I dated a guy, one time, who had served in the Vietnam War. He said the same thing, only it wasn't directed at me. I don't think the country does enough for our veterans.
ReplyDeletesherry @ fundinmental
No they really don't.
Delete12 like wtf?!
ReplyDeleteYeah, it was crazy.
DeleteThat is an interesting bit of your family history. Your poor grandma to begin with.
ReplyDeleteShe never thought anything of it I guess.
DeleteBeing married at 12 and then having a kid, that's insane. I'm sure she didn't have much choice in the matter. It's really sad that your uncle didn't get the help he needed. The veterans today still don't get all the help they need. It's all so sad.
ReplyDeleteI guess that's just how things were back then. They still don't get the help they need.
DeleteMarrying at 12?! That's so young. And then to have a child? I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for her.
ReplyDeleteShe just said that's how things were back then.
DeleteThat's sad. 12 or 13 is too young to be a mother.
ReplyDeleteIt really is.
DeleteWOW, what a mess that was, and a scary one too. Thank you for the well wishes for our sweet Brian.
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome.
DeleteDarn, that young being married and a mother had to be rough. War can really mess with one's sanity, sadly. Not good all around. They did that here too back then though, just handed kids to other families to raise.
ReplyDeleteI think that happened a lot with kids back in the day.
DeleteWhat a sad story for both your grandma and Jack.
ReplyDeleteit is.
DeleteSounds like many of the members of your family might have benefitted from the kinds of services that are more available now, but probably were not at the time they needed it.
ReplyDeleteOh definitely.
DeleteSo many things to wrap my head around here. First I feel bad for your grandma being married off at 12 yrs old! Second when she had a kid soon after (what was she, 13 or 14yrs old) and then was left alone by her "husband's" death (I think I'd call him a pedophile) what was she supposed to do with Uncle Frank? I'm sure she had no way to support and take care of him at that point. I feel bad for him as well, but still! Sounds like an awful situation all the way around.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how old the husband was.
DeleteVietnam messed up a lot of people.
ReplyDeleteYes it did.
DeleteWhat a sad story for everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteyes it was.
DeleteSo young. Crazy story.
ReplyDeleteYes it is.
DeleteTragic for everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteAll the best Jan
It really was.
DeleteI can't even imagine what your grandmother had to go through so young. I feel for both her and your uncle. My dad was a Vietnam Vet and it had a huge impact on him. I see that even more now than I did as a child. Like the pieces of a puzzle falling into place. Thank you for sharing more of your family's story with us, Mary.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to believe that these men never got the help they needed even now. You're very welcome.
DeleteI feel bad for everyone involved. It had to be terrible for Jack, your grandmother, and your mother.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it was.
DeleteOof, this is heartbreaking. My grandmother also married very young, at 14 because she was pregnant, also to a much older man. They kept my aunt though and she had 3 more kids. Anyway, the story about Jack is really sad, because not only did he feel abandoned, but the war clearly did a number on him. I just read your other comments to find out what happened to him. I am glad that he and your mom did eventually connect, that must have been really hard for everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of women married young back then. that's just how things were especially in small towns. Uncle jack was around quite a lot for a while but he did like to cause problems at times.
Delete