I've been thinking of writing an autobiography or memoir but it just never comes together for me but I figured if I write one story at a time and post it on my blog maybe once a month, I can do that. Maybe one day I'll pull all the stories together and put them in a book but for now I'll just share some stories with you about my childhood. Some of the stories will be happy, some sad and some horrific because that was my childhood. But they will all be real, things that actually happened. If it seems like something that people enjoy reading maybe I'll keep it going. These stories will not be in any kind of order, I'll just write them as they come to me.
Trigger Warning: The following story contains a true story of gun violence and suicide. If this is something that will bother you, please do not read this.
How My Mom Almost Killed Me
If you read last month's story you know that Larry committed suicide with my mom's gun when I was 13 years old. Once we were finished at the police station and headed back home, my brother and I were told to stay downstairs. I didn't realize that they were upstairs cleaning the blood and brain matter from the floor and walls. My mom helped my grandpa clean everything up but he didn't know that while cleaning it all up, my mom put some brain matter and blood in a shop rag and sealed it in a ziplock bag and hid it away. I guess in her grief she was trying to keep a piece of him...literally.
A few months later my grandpa died from the lung cancer that had spread throughout his body. A few months after Larry died my mom went to the police station and was able to get the gun back. On the one year anniversary of Larry's death my mom got drunk and showed my brother and I what she had in the shop rag. I was 14 years old now and this shocked me. My mom's bedroom was right next to mine. That day she got drunk, locked herself in her room for a few hours and I was in my room in my bed reading. I heard the unmistakable sound of a gunshot and another sound near my head and realized that my mom had fired the gun from her room. I looked behind me into the wall and saw a hole just a couple of inches above where my head had been. I knocked on my mom's door and she answered but wouldn't open the door and denied she fired the gun.
I called my grandma and told her what happened. She came right over and when she saw the bullet hole against the wall my bed was on and I told her the bullet almost hit me in the head, she called the police because she wanted them to take the gun away from my mom which they did. They didn't arrest her or anything but she never got the gun back. When my brother and I told our grandma about the shop rag and what was in it, my mom was mad but wouldn't give it to her mother. My mom kept it for years.
Aaargh. I am very glad that your mother didn't get the gun back. And sorry that you experienced such horrors.
ReplyDeleteThank you I'm glad she didn't get the gun back either.
DeleteTerrifying irresponsibility. People don't seem to realize that gunshots can sometimes penetrate walls. Did she not know that could happen or was she too drunk to know what she was doing?
ReplyDeleteKeeping the brain material in a bag is bizarre. After a year it would have mostly rotted, surely. If he had been cremated, she could have kept the ashes and it would have been perfectly hygienic.
She was too drunk to know what she was doing. The brain matter didn't rot it completely dried out because she showed it to us you know several times after that and it was just completely dried out.
DeleteHow disturbing. I’m glad the police took the gun. These days, I wonder if that would even happen. I’m sorry for all you’ve been through, Mary.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea things were a little bit different back in the 80s I guess. They probably would still take the gun if something like this happened nowadays I would hope.
DeleteShe was mentally ill it sounds like
ReplyDeleteI think she was, plus she drank an awful lot.
DeleteI read the previous chapter coming back from my hiatus, and it was horrible enough. This one though...good grief Mary, how are you a perfectly functional adult and a caring person despite growing up among such horrors? At least your grandparents were able to protect you,if a little.
ReplyDeleteWell I might be functional but I'm definitely not normal. I think everything that I've been through has really left its mark on me and that's why I have a personality disorder as well as the agoraphobia and depression. I think the personality that I have is what was able to get me through all of this growing up in the first place.
DeleteWell that was one of those amazing blessings that your life was spared. Glad your grandma was able to get the police out to take the gun away.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to still have you with us, Mary. :)
Thank you. I appreciate that.
DeleteWhat the police really should have taken away was the children in that home.
ReplyDeleteOh that will be in a different story.
Deletett would seem Your Mom liked, perhaps even loved Larry, despite his beating her.
ReplyDeleteThank God for your nice little family, Mary. Your daughter and grandson will always love and protect you. I'm sure of that.
I agree, I'm sure they would too.
DeleteThe police never should have given the gun back to your mother. Your mother sounds like she was a very troubled person.
ReplyDeleteShe really was.
DeleteScary! I'm glad the bullet missed you. People do some very stupid things when they're grieving and when they're drinking...even more so when you combine the two! I don't know how you survived your childhood. Kudos to you though.
ReplyDeleteMy family were a bunch of drinkers. it was terrible. I'm surprised I survived too at times.
DeleteSo thankful you are still with us!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI can't believe the police didn't do anything more than take the gun from her! She almost killed you and it doesn't sound like it was an accident. Maybe I'm being harsh in my opinion, I don't know. I'm so sorry you went through that! I'm happy your grandma called the police and they at the very least took the gun away.
ReplyDeleteI do believe it was an accident. I think she was drunk and handling a loaded gun and it went off.
DeleteSounds like policing back then was as effective as it is today.
ReplyDeleteJust about.
DeleteHow awful. You must have tremendous strength to have come through all that. Of course it took a toll on you. Amazing that you're a functioning human, really. And to have raised a child and be there to help take care of your grandson, too. I'm sorry for young Mary, having to live like that. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteIt did take a bit of a toll I think that's pretty obvious for anybody who's around me for any length of time. But you just have to move on and that's what I did but I thank you.
DeleteI hope that writing about these terrible events helps you, Mary.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think it is.
DeleteIt's heartbreaking to read what you've been through.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you are still with us today.
You are amazing, Mary.
Hugs and blessings
Thank you. I appreciate that.
DeleteI am so glad that you were not hit by that bullet.
ReplyDeleteMe too.
DeleteWow, I am so surprised that child services didn't get involved. Your mother sounds troubled. Hugs Mary.
ReplyDeleteLooking back, I'm really surprised that cps didn't get involved either.
DeleteHUGS for you, Mary. 😔
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Delete