I've been thinking of writing an autobiography or memoir but it just never comes together for me but I figured if I write one story at a time and post it on my blog maybe once a month, I can do that. Maybe one day I'll pull all the stories together and put them in a book but for now I'll just share some stories with you about my childhood. Some of the stories will be happy, some sad and some horrific because that was my childhood. But they will all be real, things that actually happened. If it seems like something that people enjoy reading maybe I'll keep it going. These stories will not be in any kind of order, I'll just write them as they come to me.
My Mom's Boyfriend, Fuzzy
My mom had several boyfriends after she and my dad divorced and when I was 14 her boyfriend's name was Fuzzy, he didn't last very long but he was always at the house. Fuzzy liked to get into my room and take the food that I bought for myself. I was working babysitting and cleaning houses for two ladies on my street. My mom didn't buy a lot of food so I was buying some stuff for myself, not a lot just a few things like a couple of cans of corned beef hash and some beef jerky. Fuzzy would get into my room and go through my things and find my food and eat it.
So I went to a veterinarian's office bought two cans of the high priced wet dog food that looked like it could substitute for corned beef hash because it had the little chunks of potato in it. And I replaced the label from my corned beef hash with the label from the dog food. And then I hid them in the same place in my room. I also bought some dog jerky it was like begging strips or something like that and put it in the bag of my jerky. He found both of those and was eating a bowl of corned hash when I got home from babysitting one night, and he kept making a weird face while he was eating it and I just looked at him and said are you okay. And he said the corned beef hash doesn't taste right. I think it might have gone bad. And I was like oh okay, but he kept eating it. And then he found the other can and he did the same thing a couple of days later and after he was all done with the bowl of corned beef hash, I looked at him and said I hope you liked the dog food.
He didn't pay any attention to me at all. And he ate a couple of strips of the supposed beef jerky and said that it wasn't good that whatever I had gotten he didn't think it was good anymore and that's when I told him that he should stay out of my stuff maybe, go buy your own stuff and he just laughed at me. And of course my mom said nothing she just didn't care.
So I bought another can of the good dog food and hid it in my room and this guy was so dumb that he didn't look at the label he just picked up the can, opened it and started eating it. So I picked the the can up out of the trash and set it on the counter when he was just about done with the bowl of "corned beef hash" and said did you even read this? And he just looked at me and smiled because he thought he was you know, eating my corned beef hash and I started reading what was on the label and it said something to the effect of wet dog food, veterinary recommended.
And he stopped and he jumped up and he grabbed the can off the counter and he started reading it himself and it finally dawned on him what I had done. And he started laughing about it but not the usual belly laugh that he had when he was eating my stuff. It was more of a oh yeah you got me, I'm going to get you back for that one. And he just kept looking at me and giving me dirty looks all day but I stopped buying anything and hiding it in my room.
If I wanted to use my money for a snack or something I would just go to Wendy's that wasn't too far away and buy myself a hamburger and eat it before I got home because I knew nothing in my room was safe from my mom or any of her boyfriend's. They didn't last long after that and I was really glad to see him go.
You got him a beauty. And he totally deserved it.
ReplyDeleteYes he did.
DeleteIt served him right.
ReplyDeleteIt did.
DeleteWhat an asshole. It would have served him right if you'd mixed a bit of smashed glass into the food you hid for him to steal.
ReplyDeleteI didn't want to hurt him. just teach him a lesson. Which I did.
DeleteGood one. Too bad you couldn't work in something that would have made him really sick.
ReplyDeleteI totally second this...good grief. But you were smart! That being said...I can't wrap my head about the amount of abuse you've suffered when you were a kid/teen 😢.
DeleteIt never even occurred to me to do that. I just wanted to teach him a lesson which I did. Good thing he didn't stick around long.
DeleteRoberta, sometimes when I'm writing these stories out I talk with my brother who was there for quite a bit of it and sometimes we laugh about some of it. But we also just can't believe some of the stuff we went through either.
He so deserved it Mary
ReplyDeleteHe really did.
DeleteNice switching with th canned food. Fuzzy wasn't very clever and deserved it. :)
ReplyDeleteNo, he wasn't clever at all.
DeleteRemember the joke about the guy on the dog food diet? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ReplyDeleteA woman came in the store where I worked as a carryout, once aweek she bought a large bag of dog food. One day I asked her " You must realy love your dog, to buy him the most expensive dog food ?" She said she didn't have a dog, it was for her husband. He was crazy and thought he was a dog. I told her it would kill him if he kept eating dog food and she said no, he's been doing it for years.
One day she came in and didn't buy any dog food, when I asked her why she said her husband was dead. I said , see, I told you it would kill him. She said no, it wasn't the dog food that killed him . He was in the middle of the street licking his balls and got hit by a car.
I do remember that! LOL
DeleteFuzzy got what he deserved. Nicely done, Mary.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteWhat a jerk, but what a clever revenge! Your mother should've protected you from creeps like that!
ReplyDeleteShe should have but she didn't.
DeleteThat's too funny! You should have gotten him a flea collar as a going away present!
ReplyDeletelmao
DeleteI hope he learned his lesson but people like that rarely do. But we all got a good chuckle out of this story!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you all found it as funny as I did.
DeleteHe was an idiot for sure
ReplyDeleteOh he sure was.
DeleteGood for you for getting back at him with the dog food like that. What a jerk.
ReplyDeleteHe really was.
DeleteSo rude he would steal your food and eat it. Sounds like a good idea to just spend your money and eat the food before you got home after that.
ReplyDeleteI learned not to bring anything home.
DeletePeople reap what they sow, and this is a perfect example. Good on you for getting him!
ReplyDeletelol Thank you. That is true.
DeleteIt's a great story haha, I read it with pleasure, thank you!
ReplyDelete