I've been thinking of writing an autobiography or memoir but it just never comes together for me but I figured if I write one story at a time and post it on my blog maybe once a month, I can do that. Maybe one day I'll pull all the stories together and put them in a book but for now I'll just share some stories with you about my childhood. Some of the stories will be happy, some sad and some horrific because that was my childhood. But they will all be real, things that actually happened. If it seems like something that people enjoy reading maybe I'll keep it going. These stories will not be in any kind of order, I'll just write them as they come to me.
Being in foster care when I was 16 years old
This picks up from last months story when my mom went to jail for 6 months and my brother and I ended up in foster care. So when the police came and raided my house, my uncle Jack let me and my brother spend the night at his place and we went to school the next day. The police came to our school's and took us out and back to the police station. They called social workers to come get us. My uncle Jack wouldn't answer his phone because he didn't want to be responsible for us. It never occurred to me to call my dad because we didn't see him often because he and my step mother Cathy were also doing drugs. Their drug of choice was speed. My dad was abusive and used to hit and beat us a lot and my step mother hated us. So when we all went to court the first time a couple of weeks later, I told my social worker I didn't want to live with my dad and he told the judge. My brother went to live with my dad and I went back with my foster family. I stayed in foster care for almost 4 months. My mom was out on bail for a little while until she went to court but we weren't allowed to live with her.
My foster mother, Linda had one 8 year old biological daughter who had a mild case of Down Syndrome. Plus she had a foster daughter who was 17 that she and her husband had adopted. While I was there she had 2 other foster girls come to stay with her. One was 10 years old and the other was 6 years old. They had lost both of their parents in a car accident and the social worker was looking for other family for them. Linda was mad because I wouldn't call her mom and called her Linda instead and when the new kids got there they called her Linda as well instead of mom and that made her mad. Both of the kids were really upset all the time obviously because they just lost both of their parents. But if they cried too much, Linda would make them go into the bedroom and she would lock it from the outside. I would sometimes sit by the door and talk to the 10 year old and tell her she just needed to not cry around Linda and they wouldn't be locked in the room. Linda was mad that I talked to the 10 year old and mad me stay away from the door after that.
Sometimes the 10 year old would act out and Linda would lock her little sister in the room by herself as a punishment. This was supposed to be one of the best foster families my social worker told me but if that was the case, I sure didn't see it. Linda's husband worked for the Orange County Sherriff's office, but I think he was a deputy. I didn't see him often since he usually got home after we all had to go to bed at 7PM.
I wasn't allowed to go outside at all because Linda thought my mom or Jose would try to find me and kidnap me which was crazy. I was allowed to talk to my mom on the phone for 30 minutes each week while she was out waiting to go to court. But Linda would be on the other line listening and telling my mom not to talk about this or that, she was constantly interrupting our conversation.
Linda used to take us all to this one restaurant where she knew the owner and he would come talk to her all the time. He would come sit at the booth with us all the time and hug me and the daughter they adopted all the time. I asked him to stop rubbing my leg one time and he laughed at me, I looked at Linda and she just shrugged her shoulders like she didn't care. So from then on, I tried to sit in between the other kids so I wasn't sitting on the end where this guy would sit next to me because he was very handsy.
When I went back to court the second time my mom was in jail at this time but she was sitting in a chair in an orange jumpsuit, handcuffs and chains. The judge asked me, my mom and my social worker into her chambers and told me that Linda called the courthouse and told the judge that before I left that day I had set fire to her family bible she had on the table. I was shocked because I had done no such thing. So the judge told me I needed to go home with my dad that day and she wouldn't hear anything else. So I went with my dad where my brother was. He had been told that he could go to Linda's house and pick up my belongings so we did that. I went in to get my bags that she had packed and when I saw her family bible sitting on the living room table, I said, "Your bible looks pretty good for having been set on fire this morning." She just gave me a sarcastic look and snide smile and told me to take my bags and leave. That woman was a piece of work.
My brother and I lived with my dad and step mother for a year. There was never any food in the apartment except for a large bag of potatoes that me and my brother would go and use the propane bbq outside to cook our potatoes on for dinner. For a while we had no electricity either and I called my social worker to tell him about the lack of food and power and he came out and wrote a few things down. But refused to take my calls after that. My dad didn't have a phone so I was using the phone booth at school. The system that was there to help us, failed me and my brother.
Links to past stories
2023
If that was one of the best foster families, I'd hate to hear about the worst ones. It sounds like your social worker was terrible at her job as well.
ReplyDeleteIt's remarkable that you ended up sane after some of these experiences you've posted about.
I got through them. Sometimes it feels like these things happened to someone else and I'm just telling the stories.
DeleteIt's a miracle you survived childhood. The system failed you, the individual adults involved in the system failed you. No one seemed to care. That Linda thing with the guy at the restaurant sounds like she was setting you girls up for something predatory, pimping for him.
ReplyDeleteShe knew what was going on and just didn't care and her adopted daughter seemed really uncomfortable around that guy.
DeleteThe system really did fail you and your brother. And so many foster kids end up in places like that with people like Linda. It's so heartbreaking. I don't know why we as a society can't seem to put kids and their welfare first. Glad you survived all of this!
ReplyDeleteThe system isn't set up to help kids at all. Thank you.
DeleteWe people are naive, credulous. The system fails most of the time.
ReplyDeleteThat's very true.
DeleteI am so sorry for what you went through. The world is a horrible place for many.
ReplyDeleteA lot of times it really seems like it is.
DeleteIt's sad that the foster system seems to be a failed on just about everywhere.
ReplyDeleteYes it really does.
DeleteAppreciate you sharing this insightful post! Happy new month to you. How has your week been? I'd love for you to read my newest blog post.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteIf that was a good foster mum then I do not want to see a bad one. Horrible
ReplyDeleteOh I'm sure there are a lot of worst ones out there.
DeleteMy heart breaks when I see this. My husband had a fabulous foster mother until he was adopted, a good friend was adopted with her three siblings by great foster parents, and my boss of many years was an amazing foster mom, too. I know there are good ones out there, but there are more than an equal number of bad ones, too. Thanks for sharing this leg of your story, Mary.
ReplyDeleteMy brother was in a good foster home. He had nothing bad to say about them.
DeleteOh look, now Blogger will let me comment. I am so sorry that you went through all that. But wonderful that you have made a life with a family you love and that you have people who love you. I tell people quite often that families are made by heart, not by blood. Sending you a big hug.
ReplyDeleteAt least you were able to comment. Thank you. I agree with you there.
DeleteOmg! This Linda sounds like an absolute horror to you and the other kids! Getting mad because kids are grieving their parent's death is a cold, heartless thing. This woman should've never been a foster mother! I hope she had some karmic payback in some way. I'm sorry you had to go through that. The system sucks.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't believe it when I was told she was one of the best foster homes. The judge didn't believe me at all because of her reputation. Thank you.
DeleteI mean...is there anything else that could have gone wrong? A bunch of mean or plain horrible people, useless social workers...I guess the foster parents you were sent to live with were in the gig for the money alone, but for goodness' sake! And it breaks my heart that your uncle didn't want anything to do with the whole situation.
ReplyDeleteLike I've said before, Uncle Jack was a trouble maker.
DeleteThe system itself is a mess. There are good people who really do what they can to help and do right by the kids, but there are rotten apples too. I've come across both. I'm sorry for what you went through. I've definitely met a handful of Lindas--great reputations because they put up a good front (say all the right things to the grown ups), but behind closed doors it's a different matter.
ReplyDeleteShe was definitely that.
DeleteSounds like Linda should set her own bible on fire, then sit on it to practice for her eternal life in hell. Jesus Christ, what a horrible woman she was.
ReplyDeleteI felt so sorry for any of the kids she cared for.
Delete