I've been thinking of writing an autobiography or memoir but it just never comes together for me but I figured if I write one story at a time and post it on my blog maybe once a month, I can do that. Maybe one day I'll pull all the stories together and put them in a book but for now I'll just share some stories with you about my childhood. Some of the stories will be happy, some sad and some horrific because that was my childhood. But they will all be real, things that actually happened. If it seems like something that people enjoy reading maybe I'll keep it going. These stories will not be in any kind of order, I'll just write them as they come to me.
Why I don't like any drama around meal times
When I was a kid my mom cooked and had dinner ready by the time time my dad got home from work. That was just how my dad liked things so my mom would do that. On the weekends though my parents would drink heavily all day so by dinner time my brother and I knew to eat fast because the likelihood of our parents getting into a screaming match was pretty much 100%.
But my dad would do more than just yell. Oh it would start out yelling for whatever reason. They would get into arguments for the dumbest reasons and then it would escalate. Most nights on the weekends we would sit down to dinner, my mom and dad being in the living room on the couch and me and my brother at the kitchen table. Once my dad got really mad, he would throw his plate of food against the wall, take my mom's plate and throw it against the wall and start hitting her.
At that point my brother and I would get the dog, Poochie and run to the backyard. Because if Poochie started growling or barking at my dad while he was hitting my mom, my dad would beat the dog as well. So we stayed in the backyard until my mom would either come get us or we saw her sitting on the back steps. At that point we would go back in the house, get our plates of food and bring them out to the back steps and share our food with our mom so she had something to eat. I would go get seconds sometimes so she could eat more. We would all stay outside until my dad passed out on the couch or in their bedroom.
My brother and I learned to eat our food fast if we wanted something to eat especially on the weekends because we knew that the plates of food might get tossed against the wall if we said something out of line. We still eat fast, my brother faster than me because he got more abuse than I did from our dad.
My dad hit us kids as well. One time my dad beat me with a belt so severely on the back of my legs, butt and back that I had bruises, welt marks and could hardly walk for a few days. So my mom put a note on the door for her parents to see that said we were quarantined inside the house because I had Scarlet Fever. I never had scarlet fever but my mom didn't want her parents seeing me all bruised up. I missed a few days of school because of it too. My mom's mother, my grandma would leave bags of food on the front porch while my dad was driving a truck for Adohr Farms and was away for a few days making deliveries. My dad never even asked how I was when he got back. I learned early on to either stay in my room, outside or just keep my mouth shut around my dad.
My brother got hit and smacked all the time by my dad for dumb things like not being able to catch the football my dad would throw to him. I was 12 and my brother was 10 when my parents got divorced.
Links to past stories
2023
I am glad that your parents divorced, though I know that your life didn't become peaches and roses after that either.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't but at least they stopped the fighting.
DeleteWhat a nightmare. They should have stopped getting drunk after learning from experience that it led to fights. And shame on your mother for helping hide the abuse.
ReplyDeleteThey should have but for whatever reasons she put up with too much for too long.
Delete"We still eat fast, my brother faster than me because he got more abuse than I did from our dad."
ReplyDeleteApart from the appalling level of abuse...how sad it is that even after all this time (and no one around to give you hell anymore), you both can't seem to be able to relax around a dinner table.
I know. I think it's just a bad habit at this point.
DeleteOh my goodness, how very sad. I hope that both you and your brother have had some help with the mental scars you'll have been left with from that period of your lives.
ReplyDeleteOh definitely, we've both had lots of therapy.
DeleteHow sad a life for the 3 of you at the hand of your father. Alcohol is a terrible drug. I saw that first hand with my father's brothers. My dad had epilepsy therefore he did not drink. But he had a mean streak in him.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that. Alcohol is bad, it's one reason I don't drink.
DeleteAppalling lessons to learn so young.
ReplyDeleteIt was.
DeleteThat’s horrific and I’m sorry for all you have been through, Mary. Do you think that eating fast contributed to weight gain later in life? Also, do you think any of your teachers were ever suspicious about what went on in your house?
ReplyDeleteMaybe is contributed. But I think I mostly chose food as a comfort when things were going bad when I was a teenager and just kept eating a lot when I was stressed and depressed.
DeleteI don't know about the teachers. If they ever suspected they never said anythign to me.
Delete. . . but look at how you turned out, despite it all. Horrible experiences, but you're a survivor.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteSuch terrible business, people who have nice families don't realize how it was for us who had shitty parents and shitty childhoods.
ReplyDeleteThat's very true.
DeleteMy childhood was similar. Except my parents never divorced. Then I would get people telling me “but you have both parents in the home” when I tried to complain. A good book on how to write a memoir is just called memoir and it’s by Rachael Herron.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that you had a similar experience.
DeleteSo very sorry.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteYour dad was a horror. I'm sorry. That's a terrible way to grow up.
ReplyDeleteHe was. Thank you.
DeleteWhat a terrible way to live but you both were survivors and that says a lot about you. Sorry you had to go through hell to get where you are today.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteOh wow!! I am so sorry you had to go through this! Pls do publish more stories!
ReplyDeleteI will, thank you.
DeleteAlcohol and Drugs destroy people and families and it is so sad to hear ~ I trust you are doing well despite the abuse you experience ~ hugs,
ReplyDeleteWishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
clm ~ A ShutterBug Explores,
aka (A Creative Harbor)
Yes, I', doing alright now.
DeleteThey say kids are resilient, but man, I can see why meal times were a tight rope walk over alligators for you and your brother.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good way to put it.
DeleteHow horrible for you all. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment ever.
ReplyDeleteI agree.
Delete10 and 12 and all these before that. What a difficult childhood. So sorry.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteHorrible experiences, but you clearly are a survivor :)
ReplyDeleteAll the best Jan
Yes, thank you.
DeleteHave you ever considered attending an Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting?
ReplyDeleteI used to go to ACOA meetings. They really didn't help me.
DeleteI can relate.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that.
DeleteI eat fast by Nature, it was necessary to hide my ARFID
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that.
DeleteOh goodness Mary, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. Must have been awful.
ReplyDeleteIt was. But I'm ok now.
DeleteThat's so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you all had to endure that.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI am so sorry, Mary. No child should go through that, but I know more than we know do.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Yes, I think a lot of kids went through similar experiences.
DeleteSo horrible and not something a child should have to go through
ReplyDeleteI agree.
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