Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Ardhbcrhbcf #!$&gjcf yeah that about sums it up

I was groped by a tourist

Vegetable Zombies Want to Eat Your Grains

I went fishing, and came back with steak. 

I need a new picture...that bulge is so 2010. Tweet me some suggestions. Give me your bulge best

let me touch ur boobs bro lol” WHAT EVER MAKES U HAPPY BRO

Abercrombie & Fitch are doing fat people a favor by not selling them shitty clothes that fall apart.

I will seriously fight anyone who rips on this movie. THROW THE EFF DOWN y'all.

On a funnier note one of my dogs now has a brown ass because I didn't realize that she was sitting against my freshly painted wall. HEHE

Tomorrow night I will order a Spicy Special 15" pizza. I will. I so will. And I will eat. Try and stop me. (growls)

Career changing call comes in while I’m gone. Does my son bother to write down call back #? A: No.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. 

So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"

Please stop choosing self-obsessed twits to write articles on self-publishing.
                                                              In fact, just stop. Period.
                                                                     Sane Folk

I love the convenience of online deposit. There no faster way to get frustrated.

Whenever I'm home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer. 

I've been waiting by the window all day for a delivery..just realized it's Sunday!

So apparently Rasputin's preserved penis is in a Russian museum. I... don't know if that's awesome, creepy, or awesomely creepy.

Tell a man that there are 100 billion stars & he believes U. Tell him a bench has wet paint & he has to touch it.

Who Cares? Fart in an elevator and you'll find out. 

Just got a copyright registration and it has me born in Afghanistan. Um... That's only a tad bit incorrect

As my team sgt always said: There is no we and they until they fuck up

Having an orgasm at least 3 times a week reduces your likelihood of dying from heart disease by 50%.

I feel bad about running that spider through the garbage disposal. But not bad enough that I didn't do it.