Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Twitter Wednesday

On Wednesdays I post funny Tweets I read in my Twitter News Feed. The names and @'s have been left off so no one gets mad. Enjoy!

Explaining to the youngest that he can't use a garbage bag as a parachute.*sigh*

Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards.

Success! DirecTV is now installed. Now to call Comcast and break the news. *chortles*

sad that we live in a society where I'm considered some sort of hero for looking after 2 girls on my own, yet a woman isn't

Tapping into an outpouring of public interest, the White House makes its beer recipes public.

Homing pigeons were the first cordless phones.

Blue Moon? when we have a silver moon I'll be impressed.

To repeat myself...I am not a famous person. Some famous people talk to me, but that's as far up I am on the food chain. That is all.

''People preached sermons about the dangers of zippers. And now we have velcro! That’s even easier'

Kids are off to school. Time to break out the booze.

People who say Love Hurts, may be doing it wrong.

Want some spice in your life? Read a romance book.

If I'm ever arrested, I hope it's by Dog The Bounty Hunter.. I'll need a laugh at that point.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.