Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Twitter Wednesday

Yes, it's that time again. The day when I steal all of your funny and strange Twitter Postings and put them here for us the laugh and poke fun at. As always the names and @'s have been left off so no one gets mad.

Even when I'm working out at home I make sure my nipples are properly aligned in my sports bra....

you can keep the unicorns, but please pass me the coffee!

Coochy Protection… no more itch, bitch!

I got in touch with my inner self today. That's the last time I buy Tesco Value toilet roll.

Got up at 6am today. Did yoga. Had a protein shake. Ran six miles. Started lying about everything.

Me and my mates are in a band called 'Pubic Hair.' We were big in the 70's.

Worked out, showered, now in that relaxed, cooling down and don't wanna do anything lazy mode.

Once upon a time... there was an idiot. - Oh, wait... that can't be right. They're ALWAYS around.

Reality is for those who have no imagination.

I want to kidnap the Keebler Elves and make them do my bidding.

Recommended by 4 out of 5 people that recommend things.

Winnowed email inbox from 657 to 115. Quick, NOBODY EMAIL ME for at least a week!!

Make lunch fun for your kids...glue it to the inside of their lunch box.

Rats before food: "I love you Mum, look Mum, here Mum, I'm cute Mum, MUUUUMMM!". Rats after food: "I'm tired, you're dismissed."

Smart ass blogging mom. Its all about me, really.

Next time someone knocks on my door to sell me something I'm going to have a scream taped and ready to play in the back room.

Free yourself...go naked!

Spreading smiles like they’re herpes

I think I might buy myself a bunch of stuff just in case of the apocalypse.

I bought some Greek yogurt today and totally misinterpreted how to ingest it. Apparently, you can eat it like any other food.

"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

I am not on Twitter. Go do something useful.

I'm not good with haiku, so I've been writing lowku. It's a poem with zero syllables per line followed by another screaming fit.