Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Twitter Wednesday

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

I seriously need to invest in a trapdoor doormat. Not for any particular reason, just because it would be cool.

Chocolate is the Answer. Who cares what the Question is?

An unhappy, ill toddler shoves all thoughts out your head. Just me in the office today, and! I can think again!

Only a mom will pick a baby up and sniff their butt. lol

I am the Grinch that stole Christmas...

How to make a mistake..1. drink alcohol. 2. drunk text..o.o

My doctor told me to de-stress, so I told hubby he had to move

I don’t have time for an apocalypse!

I need a vacation after my vacation.

Okay clean laundry is dying to get put away... Whee! Night everyone! *poof* :)

One potato two I want french fries..thanks kid.

You never see new moms in horror films. After dealing with full diapers after little to no sleep, a guy with a machete is nothing.

Somebody please get Gangnum Style out of my head.

No More Snooze Button

but when I finish a book, it's like postpartum depression. I already miss my characters!

That was a cinematic turd. I'm in physical pain after sitting through that travesty.

They said I'm old enough to know better. I beg to differ.

Happiness begins with an absent punch to the face.

I’m sorry to have to tell you that petulance, assholery and law-skirting are not my favorite toppings. I’ll eat elsewhere.

I'm gonna try to make a meatloaf...try being the word here.

It's not even Thanksgiving yet..I don't want to hear Christmas music yet.

I'm going to see this Lincoln movie. But if Sally Fields mentions life being a box of chocolates I'm calling bullshit.

My daughter "Green light Dad! Get off your phone and drive!" Me: "You're adopted"

A dude walked into the bar with a gun n yelled "who the fuck slept with my wife" I shouted, "you don't have enough bullets bro"*drops mic.

I'm going to ask these people at the Christmas party if they want a fulltime tweeter. May occasionally do it drunk.