Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Twitter Wednesday

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

He hissed & growled. Pitched a fit. Never seen him act like that before. Great guard kitty!

I'm with stupid. No really, I named my dog stupid just to piss off the neighbors.

Would you ever give a sex toy as a Christmas Present?

My friends refuse to play chess with me.They say I dont understand the rules,but I think its because Im too good.I always roll a double six.

My girlfriend is well pumped up for sex tonight... I might have to pump her up some more though, I think she's got a slow puncture.

Dear mouse, its okay to not freak out every 2 secs and send my cursor to who the hell knows where on my screen

Got suspended on twitter. Not sure as to what I am allowed to say on here.:(

Have you ever cleaned a wok? What's the heck's a wok?

Should a sex scene be a lesson in anatomy?

Have you ever choked on cotton candy? I mean really, how does that happen? It melts into nothing in 3 seconds flat!

There is Nothing Sexy About a Woman With Gnarly Armpit Hair

Why Is Nobody Asking Whether David Petraeus Is a Honey-Hungry Dickzilla in Heat?

HEY! You, that's right. I'm feeling Dominant Today. I want you to go down on my words! Eat me with your eyes. Taste Me

My Christmas shopping is done. That's right Bite Me!

What's up with women wearing knee high boots with skirts and dresses? Looks so strange.

its like I'm living in the Twilight Zone

Because moms know EVERYTHING we get questions like "Mommy, where is all this snot COMING FROM?"

This is the "American" accent I'll do when I come visit next week...like I've lost my real one and have to fake it now.

My favorite thing is when there's a person on UK tv or radio doing an "American" accent and they think it's great BU

T I KNOW THE TRUTH!!

Scented nail polish. I'd bite myself in my sleep, lol

Ehrmagerd! Ah blerghed!

"Art is not born in a vacuum… but it's not born inside a tornado full of shrieking trolls, either." http://

Blistering chemistry?? Sounds flipping painful if you ask me.

No. Win ME was the devil. Vista was merely a pretender to the Throne of Satan.

the question Congress REALLY wants to ask in the Petreaus case: "Are those real?"