Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Yes, yes I did make a semi-pass at you. LOL LOL

are you requiring a slap? I'll do it but after we're having wine and don't judge me if I swat your backside. I've seen it. :)

I am very thankful because I have friends who would totally call me out for acting like a dingus and tell me to stop it

Dear authors, If you're going to call your readers dumb cunts, don't do it on Twitter. No love, me.

There are things you say to your BFF in IM and there are things you say on twitter. They're sometimes NOT THE SAME

Mine cured herpes. I WIN. LOL

*reading*, not *readin*. You have my permission to correct if RT'ing.

Porn Company Offering Sex-Ed Classes With Live Demos By Porn Stars

I keep wondering why I have to pee so much today. I drank my weight in Chai tea from Starbucks.

I want a firetruck. No, wait. I want a fireman

making fried chick, mashed potatoes, rolls and corn. Yeah, heart smart for sure. Not so much.

I want a pool. No, wait, I want a pool boy.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

So you admit it was your dog who farted? Because *you* fed him stew.

In bathroom, sit down to pee... pants at knees. What falls from ceiling into my underwear? HUGE SPIDER

Until about 5mins ago, the only thing that went right today was that I found a sock that's been missing for nearly a month. :(

I have Kohl's cash I have to spend today. If I spend $100, I get 25% off. No lie, I have $99.95 in my cart. C'mon man.