Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Found typo of the day: "she perked up when Rio began to wash her balls and refill them with fresh food and water." BOWLS. Wash her BOWLS.

...and my hero stroked a finger across my heroine's FLIT. As you do. *no naughty talk with voice recog software*

When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion

good news... my 20 billion tons of TP has now shipped from Amazon. Roth butts say thanks.

Must step away from twitter, vid really got me worked up. Going to watch a documentary on Hillbillies. That should make me feel better

Dear Universe, I'm listening. No need to give me the same pop quiz twice.

Could we soon see vending machines for pot in Washington state?

i sometimes shoot fireworks out of my hands and then eat quesadillas that taste like gunpowder

How does a recipe that mixes banana and egg call it a pancake. Even if I dump syrup on it, I'm not gonna be tricked.

Maybe that Mayan calendar was meant for ants. Nope, there goes and ant. Hmm. Maybe it was meant for invisible ants, I can't see any of them.

Poor zombies, always craving brains. Kinda like politicians, really.

The Mayans were right..the pot heads are everywhere and life as we know it has ended.

Ordered two shiny new baseballs. Tough part will be choosing who to use them on...

Just because people aren't talking to you doesn't mean they hate you. You know, unless you're an asshole.

Do snowmen usually scream when you run them over?

My cat just barfed in my office. My life is so glamorous. Don't be jealous.

I'm drinking my coffee and watching 'Meet the Press' because I party hard like that.

William Shatner tweeted at an astronaut—and the astronaut responded with a Star Trek joke

That awkward moment when you see a 10 year old owning better stuff than you..

So a comet should be visable the end of 2013...which means it will be overcast and cloudy for 2 months.

I thought my bf was going to propose on New Years...instead he told me he is expecting a baby with another girl. Yeah me.

I think that song by flo rida blow my whistle is about oral sex. My daughter is laughing at me...

There are few things more awkward than the sounds that come out of a gym's weight room...

Ok, I may regret asking this, but what's the weirdest sex location you remember from a romance novel?

I like that I'm allowed to say nom nom nom all the time online now. LOL