Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Ran into some snobby people running errands today... Remember folks, we all live in #Cleveland NONE of us is "all that"

Lucky for you all, bestie is coming & bringing fancy coffees. Soon I'll be all bouncy and less crotchety

I...uh...I think I have like 5000 pics stored on my computer. Ummmm.... wow.

makes me wish my iPhone had a feature called "ottercorrect" where it randomly adds otters to things.

How good would an Irish Optimus be though. "Feck, deceptions. Jaysus, Megatron ye fecker!"

Google map for all the flu in the US. You'll be dead by Tuesday

Apparently people are still getting used to my yelly-faced avatar. They suffered traumatic beard damage. And for that, I apologize.

Eyes are dilating. Twitter screen is getting a little blurry. Noooo.

Just learned: The "New Adult" fiction classification is for moist clones freshly unmoored from their mechanical uteruses!

What was I doing before I got distracted by lipstick…which is making my lips feel all special right now?

Sometimes, I am a complete ding dong. I just thought I'd let y'all know.

I need a vacation. A massage. Maybe a private island? Anyone??

There will be no snapping of fingers in my face, or yelling over me to prove you're not sexist (here's a clue, THAT IS SEXIST)

There is a band called Bitchfork -- and they have a cover with a girl with a fork *snort*

I've reached my fill of passive aggressive bitchiness today.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

If Monopoly does away with the scottie dog token, I'm gonna be disappointed. I mean, I don't remember anyone fighting to be the iron. :P

The first Ten Commandments are the hardest......

When people talk about the Oscar noms, I get disappointed that they're not referring to food.

Eye doctor appointment this morning. Will be driving in potential snow, downtown Seattle, with dilated eyes. This sounds easy.

I'm 99.9% sure the laundry is breeding as the pile just seems to grow. Apparently we have some hot-blooded socks and t-shirts.

"Do whatever you like," from a girlfriend or a wife means you should forget what you wanted to do because it's probably never gonna happen.