Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Twitter Wednesday

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

awww bless the girl who hit every branch on the way down from falling out the ugly tree!

My mom is on a diet.... I guess that means I'm on one too.

Please don't eat my ear!

it's official. i've gone off the deep end. i've just purchased a giant cage for my daughters next pets

My inner smart ass is so close to the surface.

relax. You were always bad.

post an in-depth article on writing and get 2 likes. Put a picture of your cat online: instant 40 likes and at least 12 comments.

If only the dinosaurs had AR-15s then they wouldn't have gone extinct from that asteroid.

ok, I just felt something on my arm and screamed like a girl because I thought it was a spider. It was my scarf. *sigh*

I've never used "gate" to describe a vagina. I prefer blunter words. But I do use gate to describe the entrance because I find "hole" gross

If the government takes our guns, how are gays going to have shotgun weddings?

Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear..."Today has been canceled, go back to sleep."

You mean I could win millions just y clicking email links from people I don't know? Really? o.o

I like dominant males in my books, not in my bed.

Babies are such a nice way to start people.

You inspire my inner serial killer.

“I have the simplest taste. I am always satisfied with the best”

When your scabbard gets caught on a chair, it may be time to sheath your sword ;)

Josh has Hard Rain on. This movie has some of the dumbest characters ever in it. They all deserve to be drowned.

And said 3 year old is as big as a 6 year old...tired of people telling me he should be more mature. He's 3!