Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Nothing like arena coffee to perk you up. This stuff is "holy crap, I can't see straight anymore" strong.

Dear Golf Channel commentators, it was foggy yesterday. We get it. Move on, love me

I suppose I should shower…get dressed…all that fun stuff.

On the phone with Tech support. I just want to talk to someone who speaks english.

I think I've fallen in hate with you.

I'm gonna give my grandkids chocolate and coffee if their mother pisses me off and then send them home.

Why do teenage girls have a melt down every damn day?

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply......

Why is everyone a saint after they die? Everyone loved him, he never did anything wrong..ect... Then explain why he got the gas chamber.

I am up and getting some posts ready before I go get bored at my daughter's band concert. Taking my kindle and hiding in the back.

20 years from now kids won't even know what cursive writing is because they'll all be typing on tablets in school. O.o

Cinnamon Buns= rubbing edible cinnamon lotion on my ass and telling hubby...

My mum’s glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map she can see people waving.

May God have mercy on our souls. We're going to… *shudder* IKEA.

That awkward moment when you spell a word so wrong that even spellcheck is like, "I got nothin man..."

It's official. I have a cold and now have a Barry White thing going on. That'd be okay, 'cept I'm a girl.

 precocious 5-yr-old composer: I would now like to play for you my sonata in B flat major, entitled, "My sister is a poopy head."

Those of you asking where I hid the body in Ikea -- no, no, not amongst the meatballs. Rugs and textiles. Duh.

If you tease people on Twitter, does that make you a tweaser?

For a small fee, the Leprechaun M.A.F.I.A. will keep you safe.

I just woke up from hearing a crash in my attic. I'm never sleeping again.

Why do I watch Horror movies at night, with the lights off...knowing full well I'll be too scared to go in a dark room after?

Don't get me wrong. I eat fast food once in a blue moon because you get that hankering for sweet sweet horsemeat, I mean, what?

If you told me, "They figured out that Chicken McNuggets are some kind of half-toxic monkey glands," I'd shrug and nod.

IF YOU LIKED IT YOU SHOULD'VE PUT A BACKUP GENERATOR ON IT

Keep the lights off. I hope both teams lose. And the commercials suck.

Play in the dark bitches! I can see the field. Can't you?