Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Okay, I'm done. Goodnight, Twitter! *tucks Twitter into bed* *Kisses forehead*

Remind me not to take a cruise. I really don't like sewage water in between my toes.

Does anyone have a suspension fetish? Like being hooked and suspended. Sounds painful.

Asteroid coming..we're all gonna die!

Yeah, yeah asteroid, dec 12th 2012, Y2K, been there done that...survived.

I love that Christopher Walken doesn't always take himself seriously. He's still one scary mofo, though.

Wtf is a mangina?

A diamond is a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.

Want to go to bed but stuck on couch with cat in lap. Please send help, or a very loud noise.

Fun is trying to walk when your left leg is almost entirely asleep.

If you're having a melancholic Valentines Day, remind yourself you're not stuck on a poo covered Carnival Cruise.

Interesting. I think I just flirted. With someone I ought not flirt with.

The only thing I want in my sugar pills is chocolate. Seriously. If it's just sugar, I'm suing the doctor for malpractice.

They say it's fun on top. Obviously, they never had been in a zombie fight at a mall parking lot.

CEO of Carnival gives press conference, gets pelted with feces as boat passes by.

Just read an article that said "pickleball" is gaining popularity… that sounds dirty, right? Like, "Hey, baby, wanna play pickleball?"

My new favorite word...twatwaffle.

Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.

I think if you attend Antiques Roadshow, they require you to ingest Nyquil and Prozac before registering your gimpy toadstool nightstand

Goddamn you, Internet. If I'm trying NOT to text someone, you magically become full of links that I NEED to send THAT very person.