Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Eating a heap of spicy Thai food at 9:30 in the morning is easily the best and worst idea I have ever had. *urp*

Writing would be a lot easier if there were not so many damn words!!!

Car has voice activated controls. I say phone it says radio. I say radio. It says map. I say map. It says phone. I need to learn its lang.

I once smashed keyboard on floor, stomped on it, then went to mall, had double margarita and bought new one.

I just saw a guy on tv that I want to tie to my bed and do naughty things to...

Watching Gabriel Iglesias standup now I want tacos and cake.

I hate when people text back "K"...I'm rarely in the mood to talk about potassium.

Sometimes when you're like "man I wish I had a Mohawk and an Afro. I'll call it a MOFRO." Don't.

I NEVER want to meet most of the #articlewriters I encounter in forums. #Fictionwriters whine less and are much more fun.

Know what I find amusing? Women who parade around in bikinis but run and hide when caught in their underwear. :)

No price on site makes me feel like walking into car lot where dealer sizes you up for what he thinks you'll pay.

They have blue marshmallow Peeps now? I know change is good and all, but this is just taking it too far.

Tonight's obsession will be researching whether or not swallowing 6 spiders a year in your sleep is a fact.

I have the worst impulse to describe a crying person's eyes as "soggy." Stop me before my thesaurus strikes again.

I just remembered I got all these fancy chocolate bars to give to my husband and I put them in my drawer, promptly forgetting. UNTIL NOW

I heard this thing that sounded like a wounded duck. Then I realized our neighbor kid has taken up the trumpet, & I hear it in my house. :(

Mr S: "How do you screw up rice pilaf from a box?" Teen: "Have Mom cook it." Buncha freakin comedians over here.

Sorry, I can't hangout. My uncle's cousin's sister in law's best friend's insurance agent's roommate's pet rock died. It was tragic.

Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about global warming, Karma is a bitch, Sincerely, The Titanic.

Hey can I have a sip? "sure!" *GULP, GULP, GULP* "Dude what the hell?"”

Sexually rubbing the wall until you find the light switch.

Omg I love cheesecake. I wanna bathe in this stuff. 

And will the porn spambots stop favoriting me now? I have enough problems as it is.