Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Couldn't find the puppy anywhere. Finally hunted her down. She was stretched out in comfort on our bed, fast asleep!

i like alerting people of the meaningless day to day bits of my life :)

This is how sucked into edits I am... I forgot to check Twitter! *GASP* Happy Saturday everyone!!! :)

Definition of BACON: The main reason you are not a vegetarian.

Having one of those moments when I want to stand on top of a mountain and scream bloody murder. That is all.

What would I be doing if I were in Vegas? .mmm getting a deep tissue massage and drinking iced mixed fruit drinks!

dog is under my desk, oh and his ass has a slow leak

If the stocks for taco bell go up anytime soon, you know why. i know it's so unhealthy but I cant get enough taco bell.

Dear people on twitter: less drama or this will become MySpace

Why do three year olds love to be hard headed? All I want him to do is wash his hands. Not complicated. He loves water. What's up?!?!?

Took away the iPad and TV from my son because he refuses to go to the restroom. Raining or I would send him outside to play.

Miley Cyrus being caught smoking pot is like catching the dog humping a pillow. Big freakin' deal! When she's eating a raw heart, wake me!

Always going to be poopers at a party.....

I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through.

Sons only realize how hard it is to be a dad when they become a father.

You know your lazy when you realize you spelled you're wrong but can't be bothered going back to correct it.

Women notice everything, just because they don't say anything don't mean that U got away with it.

Some jerk just yelled at me for not having a physical fence that would keep HIS dog out of MY yard and away from MY dog. WTH.

Overheard in next room: 4yo to brothers: This is how you make a baby. Me: runs! Finds brothers ignoring 4yo as she DRAWS a baby w/crayon,

Carbs inhaled. Feel better, though I am sure in about half an hour I will want a nap.