Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

That annoying moment when your headphones only work on one side.

My wife is working on improving our dogs' self esteem. Every morning she tells them, "I love the outfits you picked out today."

I never passed my Physics Degree because when I was asked to name two forces, I but the Light Side and the Dark Side. 

The person above snorts coke from buttcracks.

I was trying to think of a good chemistry joke, but all the good ones ARGON.

Zombie shuffle... coffee. Lather, rinse, repeat...

Found a baby bird in my yard. Help. And don't say batter and fry it. 

MY BIGGEST FEAR: Falling and dying in the shower so that my family has to find me naked.

if I had a rapper name, it would be Lay-Z

Medical Marijuana= legal way to get high...that is all

Tupac didn't make a pistachios commercial!

That just blows my mind. Psy is a rap artist. That puts him in the same category as rap greats. Holy shit.

I'm nearly done with the last camper cushion. When asked if he liked it, Hubby said it looks good enough to sit on

Ok, I've upset the balance of things. I've just mopped the floors. Hell might have frozen over.

I don't get why people find drunk texts annoying. You're the person they're thinking of when their brain can't even function properly.

I'd be open to anyone explaining Justin Bieber's (and now ) choice of pants to me. 

The termites are swarming!!! Ewww batten down the hatches 

I think my lips are sunburned. Is that possible?

Umm how do we devote an entire five minutes of airplay to Minaj's ass but we can't say "fuck" on tv. Something's not right here folks...

I like to see the pretty ppl sing songs and mock them in a holier then thou way to make myself feel better about life

The are booing the Bieber…awe. Will he throw a tantrum?

It's 99F outside, yes please offer me hot coffee. What a dumbass daughter in law I have.

If you won the lottery, I'm open to be adopted. Just saying..