Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)
That awkward moment when you're trying to explain a song but you don't wanna sing it.
walk in the club like whaddup I got a oh no oh god wrong building im so sorry continue with your funeral god bless
Of course I'm being productive. I so didn't just lose an hour to Pinterest. Not me. No ma'am.
*tries not to vomit on tie and fall down*
Watching Dredd while I write. How do I find these horrible movies, night after night?
So I planned this elaborate dinner and our guests never showed. Seriously. WTH? Anyone hungry?
I caught my breath. Now it's going to get punished for running away.
Night Owl Powers... Activate!!! *editeditedit* :)
you remind me of my pinky toe, you are short and cute, and I'm going to bang you on my coffee table tonight
Some people want drugs, Some want alcohol. Honestly, all i want is a nap.
My only goal at work today is to make the boss mad by heating up fish in the microwave.
I got rid of my gray hair today. Never doing that again. It took me 5 hours and 12 Sharpies.
Dammit. Someone outbid me on ebay at the last minute for a backpack I wanted for my trip to Italy. Dammit!
do you ever see a person you used to be friends with and you’re like “glad i got the fuck outta that one."
In middle school.. we didn't screenshot, we put 'em on 3 way and muted the phone..
true love is when your pet comes to your room on its own
It may look like I'm having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I'm just thinking about what food I'm going to eat later.
there could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing beside you right now and you'd have no idea
Am I the only one who measures time using songs? “Oh it only took me 4 songs to get here! that’s not too long!
why are piercings so expensive like all you have to do is stab me wtf they should be like 10 dollars
"i need to stop," i whispered as i clicked next episode
When girls call their boyfriends “daddy” I just want to vomit all over their existence.
I'd like to go back to a time when my biggest problem was Cap'n Crunch destroying the roof of my mouth.
hello 911 yes i touched wet food while doing the dishes i’d like surgery to remove my hand
Posted by Mary Kirkland at 12:00 AM