Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Giving up on Elegant Themes. Bought a developer license that isn't worth crap since they don't offer anything but plugins for it.

So I am looking at house listings and saw a 105,000$ house with a BUILT IN LIBRARY. omggggg i want it.

When I get married, divorce is not an option. You're mad? Take your ass in the other room , calm down, because we're going to work this out.

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

I'm not even sure why I watch zombie movies and The Walking Dead. Zombies are weird.

relationships are harder now because conversations become texting, argument becomes phone calls and feelings become statuses and tweets

I should put "sleep" on my calendar and set reminders for it. I will do anything my phone tells me to.

At the ATM, I maintain a respectful distance, avoid eye contact, and remain silent. This is also how I use a urinal.

What the Feck (WTF): The New Adult “Genre”

does anyone else ever get those sudden urges to clean out and reorganize your entire room at 3am

I'm not clumsy. It's just that the floor hates me, tables and chairs attack me, and the wall just gets in the way.

I spend entirely too much time searching for where I left things. Like my pants. Where are my pants?

I love that one of my dinner companions shared that there is a pr0n of a hermaphrodite banging a midget just in time for the waiter to hear.

No wonder we be runnin out of trees! CVS be making long receipts for just one Chapstick!! Arrrrr!!!

Sometimes, when I'm feeling thrifty, I use a *single* CVS receipt to line the entirety of my guinea pig cage + my roommates 3 birdcages.

Still angry that this school stocks Pepsi products and not Coke.

My mom just messaged me -- "coolio" how does one respond to that? "I'm out dawg?"

OH: I just don't feel like my hero would have an ornamental butt plug on his desk

Zombies are scary and give me nightmares.
Super fast zombies are super scary and give me super nightmares. O_O

Just saw the news about the Goodreads change. *backs away slowly, finds bomb shelter to hide in*

I got bitten by a stripper once, so now every full moon I turn into a scarred up mother of three named Crystal.

I can't get upset about immigration. 1, it's not really a problem. 2, I frickin' love tacos.

Apparently my porridge making skills aren't up to scratch this morning. Son said it was too milky.