Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Life tip: when nothing goes right go to sleep

I met Eminem once, he was pretty awkward, his palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy, vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti.

I must celebrate and eat a bunch of white chocolate in honor of this amazing day. :)

When I'm alone, I overthink.

To sum up this evening: you suck..*sigh*

When people say "I am done with people." Like who the fuck are you gonna talk to now, animals?

I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole. You know, if I could even find a ten foot pole. 

For everyone surprised that fanfic would be plagiarized, let me remind you of the time SOMEONE PLAGIARIZED BLOG POSTS ABOUT SQUIRRELS.

Beware of asking boring people what's wrong; they might tell you.

Am I really gonna do this? Yes, yes I am really gonna eat this entire pizza by myself Ha!

Your ex asking to be friends after a break up is like... Kidnappers asking you to "keep in touch" after letting you go.

Thank you, Kiernan Shipka, for the most fun I've ever had discussing the plight of giants poached for their male organs.

I probably moved all the furniture in my house. Okay, maybe not all. But most of it. Going on the hunt for my bottle of Tylenol.

Who cares..ha really, who cares?

I'll stand guard over your body..and watch you sleeping. Yeah that's not creepy at all. eeps!

The dust bunnies killed my cleaning fairy. 

Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber are beginning to look identical. Eventually they will morph together into a single weird-ass warbling haircut.

That's how they decided to end the series of Dexter? Really? REALLY? *headdesk* No spoilers but that sucked.

still mad i watched 8 seasons of dexter for it to end like that... i cant even sleep smh

do u ever just make scenarios in your head that will never happen but makes you so happy so you just keep on imagining them

Not a bad Monday.... busy, but pretty good! :) I'm off to do battle with laundry! Night everyone! *poof* :)

A girl's "whatever" means "fuck you."

My neighbor said her dog was a Vegan. In my mind I'm thinking, "Yeah, but he wants to rip out your throat and drink your blood."

Hocus Pocus is 20 years old. Let that sink in...

Also, CURSES to the people who post stories with pictures of huge bugs and spiders in my FB timeline