Wednesday, October 09, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

So who's sending me Halloween candy?

Pixie Sticks= colored sugar and I want!

I just want someone to give me a giant 5 lb candy, seriously. 

I saw a vampire today and wanted him to bite me but he didn't have any teeth and he was homeless. 

Clowns= the scariest flippin thing man ever dreamed up. 

Why oh why is my faucet still dripping when I'm trying to sleep?

Omg deadly dog farts!

She was Hannah Montana when Bush was president. Thanks, Obama.

Just took some cold tasted like my car engine smells like. I think I'd rather have a sore throat.

The mailman came by with my package finally...I opened it only to find they sent me the wrong thing. *dies*

is ordering pizza tonight and tomorrow and the next day. Not cooking, on strike. 

Do your own damn laundry.

my five year old just told me that her teddy bear had to have surgery. I'm scared to go see what she did to him. 

The cat left me a present on my kitchen floor last night...a dead bird. Aren't birds supposed to fly away instead of getting caught?

dont come to my house and vomit in my kitchen sink and think you can just have some cleaning to do. 

this halloween I might dress as Miley's tongue..nothing scarier. 

Why does "based on actual events" make the movie scarier?

In new #Tinkerbell jammies w/ new slipper socks on my toesies. I iz warm, toasty, & happy. :)

"Click me, baby. Oh, yeah! Click me, right there!" My computer, having a good night.”

Funny, Facebook wanted to change "My personal trainer kicked my ass" to licked. Fortunately, I caught it since I'd tagged him.

I don't understand people who only sleep with one pillow.

Nothing better than feeling awesome and then having someone bitch slap the happy out of you.

i hate when im listening to my ipod and i move my arm or something and then my headphones rip out of my ears like what the fuck i trusted u