Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!


Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

Lord, deliver me from the Brookstone catalog. But first, please deliver me a deluxe towel warmer.

Oh dear, I see someone has posted something stupid on the internet. What a shock.

I'm in my mid 40s. It's hard to age. Hard when the media promotes impossible beauty standards. But fuck it if I want to post a selfie I will

How did this week get to be so unpredictable?! It's all awesome stuff, but it's knocked my OCD side into a tizzy. :)

My @YahooFantasy team has been temporarily named N*SYNC this week 'cause my lineup reads "Bye, bye, bye...." :*(

ok, but here's the thing - SO WHAT if we like to be told we're smart, pretty, funny, whatever? Is positive reinforcement a fucking crime?

The scroll button is your friend. Or the unfollow button if you're so offended.

OPERATION MUG OF INSTANT COFFEE IS GO

The Great American Smokeout is today but that doesn’t include weed, does it?

i literally can not remember the last time i went to bed when the clock actually said “pm” on it

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I did the hokey pokey and ended up with hepatitis.

Tumblr is a sure fire way to lose nearly 3 hours of you're life.

So much editing today. *brain melts into an oozing puddle of goo* Why, oh why, oh why? One of these days I WILL master those damn commas!

Hard to think about chasing after some when your own femur was sticking up out of your skin like a lollipop gushing blood

My mom is determined to make the perfect pie crust so she is having me go to a class with her Monday night. Well...guess I'll make some pie.

Tasty little pre-lunch snack.....stale pancake from breakfast yesterday:) 

How much sense does it make to pick a fight with someone when you're on the same side over something that's not in their control?

Open your mouth. Taste the rainbow. Taste my skittles.

Freezing fog? Really.

football season means the screams I keep hearing could be a murder, or a touchdown.

The Tree Man creeps me out quite a bit. I've killed NUMEROUS plants in my day and now I'm worried about retribution

Matter of opinion. How he looks is his choice. And I'm sure he doesn't give a single fuck what you think.

Today, I am thankful for you all. Which is why I have put you in this slick-walled pit. Please enjoy this complimentary "lotion basket."

Just let the kids have pie for breakfast. Now they are thankful for ME. Hee. DON'T JUDGE ME, TWITTER! :)

You can be anyone you want. Apparently the law calls this identity theft, but whatever....