Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

I wish I had the energy to have a nervous breakdown.

Those times when the character has a name that's the same as your mom, or your brother, or your ex.

I would like a toggle switch. I prefer to spell it “Hanukkah” because “Chanukah” looks like the name of an Alaskan stripper

I think the airlines should come up with a new airline called fat Ass Flights for all us overweight people.

You know you're unpopular when people start faking strokes whenever you come near.

Welcome to science. Oops! Wormhole. And now we're dead.

I will do my porn shoots in a Guy Fawkes mask wearing chaps, pasties and a poise pad.

we could be married and I'd still be paranoid that you didn't like me.

A cricket jumped on my leg, I said hey little fella how you doin' then finger flung him across the room.

And then before you realize it, nipple clamps.

its not allowed to domesticate native wildlife! besides, koalas very mean and all have chlamydia o.O

So when Rosa parks doesn't want to get up she's 'heroic' but when I don't wanna get up I'm 'lazy'

Oh eeewww arg gah! Eyeball consumption. Yeah I think that just derailed my plans for pie tonight. ::shudder::

Sex sells, so go screw yourself.

Medical marijuana can be used to treat many conditions including the terminal lack of recreational marijuana.

i really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.

I didn't watch "The Sound of Music" tonight. But, I hated it.

Nelson Mandela killed 100s of innocent people and he's honored like MLK and Gandhi.. I don't get it.

There is a gecko hanging out on the kitchen window screen. It's eating bugs attracted by the light. Call me crazy, but I'm enchanted.

ding dong ur opinion is wrong

misconstrude is that a word?? bahahahahah.. omg..

he may tweet something neat or just sit and lick down somewhere we'd think is sick

i wanna get an education but i dont wanna wake up early and do homework and study u feel me

I want some wine with my whine.