Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

I don't think I could ever stab someone... I mean lets be honest. I can barely get the straw through the Capri Sun.

"Twitter vanity search." Just want to see what happens. 

I wanted a creepy pillow for christmas, I got a regular pillow with a pink marker smiley. Thanks bro.

I used to get nuts in my stocking at christmas. Now I get a stocking for my nuts?

I need to start writing this shit down or I'll never remember it all. 

I can't wait to see Putin at opening ceremony, bare chested coming down the luge while wrestling a tiger

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame that they'll never meet...

FAT BOY IS CRANKY AGAIN; North Korea threatens to 'strike South Korea mercilessly'

My penis stopped breathing! Quick, perform CPR!

running toward my dreams, tripped over reality and hit my head on the truth

Everyone scream and lets see if we can break the sound barrier

If everyone gave me a dollar...I'd be rich.

Snoop Lion? Seriously? 

I might take back one of the things I've done but I'll never say I was wrong

blah blah somebody got butt hurt blah

we have the same thing with the weather in Australia, except we use the sun to fry eggs on metal surfaces ;)

It's always the least unattractive right-wingers who think you want to gay marry them.

Need an alarm that wakes you up 5 hours before you actually need to wake up? #AdoptACat

I just found a single piece of sea salt in the pocket of my (just washed) jeans. You can take that with a grain of salt. I have one here.

Middle child is talking about friend requesting - he has never once been on Facebook. Social networking age, much?

There's something that kinda looks like claw marks across my laptop keyboard. Origin unknown. Maybe I'm secretly some sort of shifter.

Now I feel that I must get fruitcake & see if my pug will eat it. If a pug won't eat it, then it is evil. *laughs*

 "The peels are candied!" Some things shouldn't be candied, Brooke. Like coffee grinds. Or dead cats. Or peels. 

One minute we're hairy-legged man-haters, the next minute we're on the side of murdering men... *eyeroll*