Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

I'm really good at locking my car doors...just as someone is passing by.

I'm not the distraction you're looking for.

WANT Melt, Chop, and Drizzle Your Way to Choco-Cookie Nirvana, Because It's Monday

Sharing an email address could ruin your relationship

My desk dragon is out of control! He keeps roaring @ me even tho he's turned to off. Wth? Maybe he thinks I need to write faster!

what part of "we don't want ourselves/our kids to be identified by strangers" is impossible for you to understand?

15 year olds out here winning olympic medals and i can't even do my own laundry

I would be muchly grateful if someone could pop round and lend me 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep ! Thanks be quick

what if websites had closing hours

Who *wouldn't* want a pair of rainbow panties with a unicorn holding an assault rifle on them?

google is great because you can ask something really obvious and nobody has to know

I couldn't afford to hire the duck I needed for a video. His bill was too big.

I bought a scratch lotto ticket for my Valentine. I never buy'm. Kid found it on table, thought it was an ad, scratched everything. :/

Of course Cock is sponsoring the Olympics. Sorry that was Coke. Fuck you auto correct.

OMG! I'm scared to death to fly to begin with. If I saw that much ice? I'd be out there with a scraper having a psychotic break!

so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. O.o

How many times a day on average do you think Amazon's Kindle Mayday team end up seeing an exposed penis?

Some people don't appear to recognize that there is no place on the Internet to say goddamned stupid things without it leaking out.


Titanium sporks: For those pesky times when a plastic one just won't do.

It's okay guys. I found gummy bears.

I'm so skeptical of good things happening to me bc every single time something good does happen something terrible always follows