Wednesday, May 07, 2014

Twitter Wednesday!

Welcome to another Twitter Wednesday, where I pull some of the funniest tweets from my Twitter feed and post them here for you to read. As always I have left off the names and @'s so no one gets mad. :)

I mean what's school without your life falling apart 2 or 3 or 19 times

My whore level is at its highest when my tweets are being tossed around.

How can I be mad at somebody for paraphrasing my tweets?
Cheers to you, my paratweeters.

Falling in love with me is a good idea if you don't mind complete chaos.

if you're gonna stalk, you could at least have my martini ready when I get home. slacker.

We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can't come, let me know.

Dog food is healthier than people food because they're more important than us.

Turns out, I'm a hard core Bruce Lee fan. Watched Enter the Dragon and Game of Death back to back.

At first-ever horror movie in theater with Princess. We are big chickens so we are scare already and it's only the candy commercial...

I think I broke Facebook

Would you have surgery on your feet to get your designer shoes to fit?

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

My imaginary characters could beat up your imaginary characters.

I hate when the allergy monster pours glue in my noise while I sleep.

It's ok to be scared but not of the piece of fluffy gliding across the floor.

I saw a dog eating cats food today. Why do I bother buying both.

I ate coffee cake today. Two of the best things in one dish.

I hate disaster movies. I have nightmares for days after watching them, but I keep watching them.

When I was a child I wanted to eat cereal for dinner. Now I want steak for breakfast.

never let your dog see you leave your sandwich on the table. It won't be there when you get back.

I love animals but they fart.

Coffee is the life blood of a writer and a singer and a mom..may as well just get a coffee iv and hook me up.

Ice sucks unless you want a cold drink.

Water is cold unless you heat it up.

books are my salvation. I need them to survive.

My mother keeps reading my journal, maybe I should stop posting it on fb.