I've been thinking of writing an autobiography or memoir but it just never comes together for me but I figured if I write one story at a time and post it on my blog maybe once a month, I can do that. Maybe one day I'll pull all the stories together and put them in a book but for now I'll just share some stories with you about my childhood. Some of the stories will be happy, some sad and some horrific because that was my childhood. But they will all be real, things that actually happened. If it seems like something that people enjoy reading maybe I'll keep it going. These stories will not be in any kind of order, I'll just write them as they come to me.
Trigger Warning: Domestic Abuse, Child Abuse, Threats of suicide, gun violence.
Why I lived With My Grandma For A Year
When my parents divorced in 1981, I was 11 years old and my brother was 8. My mom started seeing Larry right away. I actually think she was seeing him before she left my dad. But my dad was not a nice person. He beat my mom up all the time and hit us kids but so did my mom. There were a couple of times I got beat so bad with a belt that I couldn't walk for a few days and my mom told her parents that I had the flu instead of telling them the truth so she wouldn't have to open the door and no one would see me. My little brother got beat by my dad more than I did though so when my mom started dating Larry who also hit my mom, she told him that I never got beaten as bad as my brother. For some reason that made Larry dislike me a lot. So when he and my mom told me that they were moving to Fresno, Ca to live with his parents, Larry took me aside later and told me that I should stay with my grandma because it was my brothers time to be treated good instead of me. Because he thought my dad loved me more and didn't beat me as much. So I ended up moving in with my grandma (my moms mother) while my brother went with my mom and Larry. I didn't want to be around him anyway because he hit my mom all the time and they drank and were drunk all the time.
While living with my grandma, I only saw my dad maybe twice. He was off living his life and didn't want to be bothered with his kids. I lived with my grandma from 1981 to the beginning of 1982. It was the entire school year for my 5th grade. In that time I only saw my mom once when she had me come to her house on a Greyhound bus for my 12th birthday. Larry seemed to be on his best behavior and he even made me a cake. But nothing had changed and I hated being there. I was glad to go back to my grandma's house at the end of it.
At the end of the school year, Larry, my mom and brother showed up with a couple of Larry's family members and sprung on me that I would be moving back to Fresno with them. That was a nightmare for me and I put up a fight but my grandparents told me I had to go. Larry's parents didn't like me because of what I had said about Larry Sr. the year before. So Larry's mom, Thelma made me sleep outside in the yard on a cot. My mom said nothing. Thankfully we only stayed there for a few weeks and then we took off on a vacation to see The Grand Canyon, Moro Rock, Sequoia National Park, Crystal Cave in Sequoia, Big Bear, Las Vegas and The Petrified Forest for the Summer.
We spent most of the Summer traveling and visiting all these places but because they were drinking so much and he was still hitting my mom and hated me, it was a nightmare of a trip. The worst was when we visited Las Vegas though. My mom and Larry spent all their time gambling and left my brother and I in our hotel room by ourselves. I was 12 and my brother was 9. They left us money to eat and I would take my brother to go get fast food. Sometimes they would be gone for a couple of days at a time. Larry won a bunch of money and then lost a bunch of money. After he lost a bunch of money and was banned from going back inside one of the Casino's for some reason, he took my mom's gun and locked himself in our motel room's bathroom and drank until he passed out. He had been threatening to shoot himself but my mom and brother were able to push the door open after he passed out and get the gun.
We all (including Larry) ended up moving back in with my grandpa after that instead of going back to Larry's parents house. My mom and Larry started working at my grandpa's welding shop again as well. I called my dad and let him know where we were after that because my mom hadn't let me call him the whole Summer. My dad was carrying around a gun in his car and had threatened to kill my mom if he saw her but I told him what went on all Summer and asked him not to do anything like that so we could see him and he promised me. So he was allowed to come and see us a bit later. My dad was a jerk but he was still my dad and I missed him.
Things were kinda normal for a little while....
That is truly dreadful. I am so glad that you had your grandparents - and sorry that you couldnt stay with them permanently.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I'm glad I had them too.
DeleteWhat a nightmarish menagerie. None of these people (except your grandparents, apparently) should have been around children. It's a tragedy to be born into such a situation.
ReplyDeleteI agree. And because of who they were, I have some awful stories.
DeleteUgh. I can see why you have zero interest in traveling now, along with the agoraphobia. What an awful time you had. Were your grandparents kind to you?
ReplyDeleteYeah. I hate traveling now. My grandparents were great most of the time. Even my dad's parents were nice.
DeleteSome people shouldn't be allowed to have children. You are a survivor. Hope it helps to get this out.
ReplyDeleteThat's true. More people have kids that shouldn't have them all the time. I hope my stories help others who have been through similar situations to know they aren't alone.
DeleteViolence within family, the worst type of violence!
ReplyDeleteYes I agree it is.
DeleteGrandparents have probably saved more children than the police. I am sorry you had to deal with all this growing up.
ReplyDeleteThank you. My grandparents were so different from my parents. it's hard to believe that they raised these people
DeleteI'm at a loss for words. I knew from my time on your blog that you had bad things in your past....and your writing tells me you came out of it strong, determined not to repeat the pattern.
ReplyDeletesherry @ fundinmental
Absolutely. I made a conscious choice not to drink because of all I saw when I was a kid. My daughter was raised so much different than I was.
DeleteWow! You went through a lot as a child. I'm so sorry. And so glad that you survived it!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I got through it somehow. I was worried that these stories were going to be too bad to share so I'm glad that readers are ok reading things so far.
DeleteOMG Mary I'll never complain about my childhood again. I'm so grateful you survived and grew into a loving caring person. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. We all have bad things happen at times. I guess it's just a matter of how we deal with it.
DeleteI'm glad to know the end of the story is you with Ken for many years together, a beautiful daughter and grandson b/c your early years were a tough hang in there.
ReplyDeleteYes, if my childhood taught me anything it is that things needed to change.
DeleteAnd you broke the cycle. You raised a wonderful daughter and found happiness.
ReplyDeleteThat shows how strong you are and how kind your heart is.
Ken and I both broke the cycle because he had a horrible childhood as well. Thank you so much.
DeleteSo sad what you went through and hopefully your story will find the people who need to find it. Glad you made it out and became a stronger person. Just an idea, you might want to consider having these links available so people can find the earlier stories.
ReplyDeleteThank you. That is a good idea. I will do that.
DeleteNothing about this story is OK. Especially that there were no adults to help you and your brother out of this torturous childhood.
ReplyDeleteOh I know. That's why Ken (My late husband ) and I made a conscious effort to change things for our daughter because he had an awful childhood as well.
DeleteI'm so glad for the person you've become despite all these negative experience.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I apprecaite that.
DeleteSo many people are not fit to be parents.
ReplyDeleteThat sadly is the truth.
DeleteI'm so glad you made it through all of that and came out stronger on the other side.
ReplyDeleteThank you I am too.
DeleteIt takes a lot of strength to open up and share your stories. Thank you sharing, best of luck with your writing and I am sorry you had to go through that, Mary. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I appreciate that.
DeleteOmg! My heart goes out to you, Mary! Larry sounds like a special kind of loser, but it's awful your dad hit you so badly that you couldn't walk! Not sure why your mom allowed all this to happen! Was she abused? Sounds like you would've been better just staying with your grandparents, but it sounds like you did get to see some interesting places. Did you have fun at all, or was the fun colored negatively by all the drama Larry and your mom stirred up? The neglect? I hope it's been cathartic writing some of these memories down.
ReplyDeleteMy mom was abused by my dad and Larry. Plus she was an alcoholic. I did get to see a few nice places so I do have a few good memories from it. I wish I could have stayed with my grandma.
DeleteI'm sorry for the abuse you had to endure as a child. No matter how many years go by, we will always carry those traumas with us. I'm glad you had your grandparents. I am often thankful for my grandma as well. Hugs to you. From one survivor to another ♥
ReplyDeleteMy grandparents were great for the most part.
DeleteI can't believe the amount of abuse you went through. At least as an adult you found your soulmate (even if you lost him too soon) and escaped the circle. It's very brave of you to open up about these dreadful things. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI was worried that some of these stories would be too traumatic for others to read so I'm glad they don't seem to be, at least not yet. I hope they end up helping others that have been through similar situations and they know they aren't alone.
DeleteThat all sounds quite horrendous. But I guess it toughened you up having to deal with it all.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think it did. Maybe that's why I don't get freaked out by the stuff that happens around my neighborhood.
DeleteI am sorry to hear you and your brother had to go through all that as kids, that sounds really horrible. It's good to hear you got to spend some time at your grandmothers as that sounds better than the situation with your mom and Larry. I hope it helps to be writing these stories down.
ReplyDeleteThank you. My grandparents were great for the most part.
DeleteMy heart goes out to you and your brother.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI had missed this post somehow. I'm sorry you had to go through this. 😔
ReplyDeleteThank you.
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