Sunday, February 17, 2013
"Happy Birthday, Mommy. You can have my Duckie."
Yes, today I am 43 years
old young. Some days though I feel much much older than what I am. I'm a grandma now, so that kinda makes me feel older..just having the moniker 'grandma' feels like it should belong to an older woman. lol
So today I thought I would share with you 43 things I have learned from my time on this earth. 43 years is a long time and I think I can part with some knowledge from my time here. If you have anything to add, please do.
1. Don't take life too seriously. We don't get out alive.
2. Breathe, you'll live longer.
3. Try new things and if they're kinky, try them again.
4. Get rid of the drama whores.
5. Get rid of the psychic vampires. Those people who suck the life right out of you through guilt.
6. Sing when you feel like it. Dance when you want others to notice how good your ass looks in those new jeans.
7. Take responsibility for your actions and let others do the same.
8. Kiss and be kissed often.
9. Don't smoke. You don't want to end up sounding like you always have a bad case of bronchitis.
10. Don't be afraid to say, No.
11. Don't be stingy with the butter.
12. use as much toilet paper as you need to.
13. Don't act like you like football just to impress a guy.
14. Smell the flowers.
15. Don't be creepy.
16. Don't 'dumb it down' if they can't keep up, leave them behind.
17. Eat that chocolate when you want to. You might not be here tomorrow to enjoy it.
18. If a man says to you, "I'll be quick." "You could try it just once." Oops, sorry for the slip." or "I'll just put the tip in." Leave him and find another.
19. If the man you're dating has a nick name for his penis and he's not 12...find someone else.
20. Sexual History...don't ask, don't tell.
21. You should never say anything to a woman to make her think you think she is pregnant, unless you can see the baby emerging from her body.
22. You will never kill all the cockroaches. In 20 million years and the earth is hurdling towards the sun at maximum speed, the roaches will be throwing a "we're going to live on the sun." party.
23. There is a very fine line between a 'hobby' and hoarding.
24. Animals love you unconditionally, which is probably why I love my animals so much.
25. The more a person feel guilty, the more they will blame others for their failings.
26. Sometimes you just need to let go of those around you who are brining you down.
27. When everyone is telling you that you've done wrong or are about to do the wrong thing...listen to them, they are probably right.
28. Sometimes no matter how much you want someone to be nice, mean people are assholes.
29. People will kick you when you're down and those are the ones you need to kick back when you get up.
30. After 43 years I finally have my head together and now my body is falling apart.
31. Dad's will tell you the same story over and over again and expect you to laugh each time like you just heard it.
32. The phone will always ring, while you're in the bathroom.
33. Toddlers will find a way to get your attention.
34. Don't stand up into a turning ceiling fan just to see if it hurts. It does.
35. When you hear the toilet flush and hear a kid say, "Uh oh,." It's already too late.
36. 5 year olds can make a stain out of crayons and glue that you will never get out of the carpet.
37. Don't judge people by their relatives. My relatives are all crazy.
38. Accept everyone. Never discriminate.
39. When given a secret, keep it a secret.
40. Things can always get worst.
41. Life is so much simpler when you tell the truth.
42. Play with your kids, the housework can wait.
43. Be unique.
Posted by Mary Kirkland at 1:30 AM