Wednesday, March 24, 2010

We can here you...on your cell phone

I wonder sometimes about the human race....because if the people I keep running into are anything to go by, we are all doomed. Seriously.

Last week I was in the grocery store, going about my own shopping..not talking on any cell phones where anyone could hear me...Because I don't have a cell phone.

Anyway, this woman was slowly meandering up and down the isles with her cart, all the time talking on her cell phone. Loudly. First, there's no need for everyone in a 3 mile radius to hear what you are talking about. Frankly Norma, we don't care what you had for dinner or what your best friend yelled out during sex last night. We really don't.

*From here on out I'll call dumbshit on the cell phone, Norma.*

So Norma is walking up and down the isles not really even putting much into her cart, but talking very loudly about how she and her husband like to 'experiment' with different positions in bed.
*I can't make this stuff up people*

Norma tells her friend on the phone that her husband is so 'big', *Yes, she said 'Big' louder than anything else in that sentence. She really wanted us to know her husband wasn't a pencil dick*
that he actually hurt her when he started going to town.

"ponders whether "going to town" is a euphemism for rough sex" I think it is...

Norma then laughed at something her friend on the phone said and as I walked past her I noticed a man behind her staring at her ass.

"I believe he was thinking about going to town." But I could be wrong. *shruggs*

I made my way out of the store, went home and tried to clear that conversation from my mind. But I don't believe there's a way to take back somethings that's already been introduced to your ears...unless you use a sharp pencil to dig it out...But I wasn't quite at that point...yet!

Another time I was in the doctors office waiting for my name to be called and this guy started talking to his friend on his cell phone. Now I was under the belief that people were suppossed to take their phones outside to talk, but he didn't.

He started telling his friend on the phone that yeah, he had a big one that the doc was gonna have to clean out because he couldn't reach it this was on his ass. Oh and it really hurts when the nasty smelling pus comes shooting out of it.

I looked at him, gave him the "if you don't shut the hell up I'm going to stuff my purse so far down your throat you'll have to sh*t it out in order to remove it...look" But he just kept talking.

If you find yourself in a social situation with any of these! Run as fast and as far away as you can before you hear what they have to say to the person on the other end of their iphone. Because if you don't you might just regret it, like I did.