Saturday, January 15, 2011

My rats



Hades, jasper and Brodie

Jasper and Hades


Sometimes...I just need to vent

There seems to be too much on my mind these days, but I don't talk about it because I don't know where to start. It seems so pointless to even try talking anymore. I feel like no one else will understand the situation I am in or the depth of my pain.

Everything in my life feels so over with and wrong. I've been getting upset more and more lately, over the smallest of things. I guess I am making up for all the times I that I just didn't care enough to even lift my head. I'm just so darn depressed.

My birthday is next month.

When I was a little girl I used to imagine how my life would be when I was an adult, all grown and on my own. It seemed like I had years ahead of me back then and I looked forward to getting out of my life back then and making things better for myself. I looked forward to being happy, having a husband and a good job. Something more than what I had as a child, at least that. I believed that I had control over my future and was going to make things work.

But now that I am 40 years old, my life is nothing like I thought it would be. Time seems to have stopped for me, I'm totally out of touch with the rest of the world, with human kind. I'm trapped in hell, and can't wake from this nightmare that has become my life.

I feel like my time here is over, it's so done and over with. I feel like whatever I was meant to do with my life, I've done it and it's time to move on now.

I'm exhausted body and mind. My spirit is broken, the pieces are missing and can't be put back together again. I'm so tired of struggling with the pain, the stress. It's a losing battle and I'm tired of trying.

All the dreams I had as a child are no more, dreams are now nightmares. I've tried to kill myself and my family called me a coward, that I was taking the cowards way out, well no one wants to be known as a coward, but I'm no survivor and staying alive is like living in a prison of my own making where everyday I die a little more inside.

Yes I'm alive on the outside, but on the inside, I'm already dead. I go through the motions each and every day and some days are harder than others.

I need to vent but it does no good, words do nothing to cure the darkness inside me, the shadows that have taken over my soul that fade away a little more each day. I'm slowly fading away and soon there will be nothing left but an empty shell.

I don't want to start over, I don't want things to change anymore because I'm tired, I'm exhausted, I'm not really here anymore.

And I don't want another Birthday.

Book Review: Beast behaving Badly by Shelly Laurenston

Beast Behaving Badly by Shelly Laurenston


Ten years after Blayne Thorpe first encountered Bo Novikov, she still can't get the smoothtalking shifter out of her head. Now he's shadowing her in New York - all seven-plus feet of him - determined to protect her from stalkers who want to use her in shifter dogfights. Even if he has to drag her off to an isolated Maine town where the only neighbours are other bears almost as crazy as he is. Let sleeping dogs lie. Bo knows it's good advice, but he can't leave Blayne be. She may insist Bo's nothing but a pain in her delectable behind, but polar bears have patience in spades. Soon she'll realize how good they can be together. And when she does, animal instinct tells him it'll be worth the wait.

My Review...

Bo Novikov is a Bear-Cat hybrid shifter and Intimidating hockey player. Blayne Thorpe is a Wolf-Dog hybrid shifter and a plumber who is on a roller derby team.

Blayne first see's Bo ten years earlier while he was playing a game and she bolted after she see's him staring at her. She runs away only to turn around and find him right behind her, so what does she do....she screams and run away.

Now she's at one of his games again, she doesn't think he'll remember her...but he does. Oh boy does he. Blayne is conviced Bo is a serial killer and she slowly makes her getaway when he stops and stares at her again. She see's he has his sites set on her so she makes another getaway, or so she thinks.

He's not about to let her get away this time and when she locks herself in the bathroom he tears the door of its hinges. Blayne confronts him, even asking him if he's going to kill her. He is so surprised by her intimidation and fear because most women throw themselves at him, he finally convices her he's not a serial killer, but when he asks her out for coffee, she flat out refuses and he doesn't know what to make of her.

They are complete opposites, he's got this hang up with schedules, being on time and wanting everyone else to be on time and he's introverted.

While she is what her father calls, weird. Blayne is funny, flirty, makes friends with everyone but has a side to her that most people don't see and really surprised me.

This book was so hilariously funny and romantic with a bit of slice em up action thrown in for good measure. There's a kidnapping, a roll over accident, tearing body parts limb from limb, as well as a hockey and roller derby game.

I laughed so many times while reading this book because blayne is so funny, her personality is just great..I loved her and so does just about everyone she comes in contact with.

This is the first book in this series that I have read and after reading it I found out it's actually the fifth book in the series. While I usually like to start at the beginning, I don't think it will matter to me this time because I liked this book so much. I will go back and read this series from the beginning now though.