Sunday, November 11, 2012

Why Dark Thoughts?

So I had someone ask me why my blog was named "Dark Thoughts", and I thought that was an excellent question.

Back in 2005 when I first started writing in this blog, I did it as a way to get my feelings out about things that bothered me. My life, the people around me, life in general, people and how I felt about them. If you go back and read some of the things I wrote back then you can kinda get a sense of where my head was at. It was in a bad place. I was depressed, suicidal even and then a few of my online friends made blogs too and we started commenting on each others blogs. I met friends that I still have and we now chat on fb because I'm the only one who kept with the blogging thing.

It saddens me to read some of those entries because one of my friends passed away last year. He was a wonderful person and I still miss chatting with him.

So I named this blog "Dark Thoughts" because that's the kinds of thoughts I had back then. I am a pessimistic, introverted person and it shows. I've changed a little bit and my blog posts aren't all doom and gloom anymore but I liked the name, so I kept it.

Lastly, I'd like to share with you some of the poetry I wrote back when I first started writing in this blog.

It is dark but it is light
claim your breath this unholy night
I seek surrender, but get fight
you and yours will end this night
I am the beast, the terror within
When I come for you, it will be the end.

can you see the beast in me?
Can you get the blood off me?
Can we be alone tonight?
I can make your heart take flight.
I can make the walls within.
I can make the light brighten.
Can you see the blood red eyes?
Can you be the blood that lies?
Can we see this evening end?
when I can't make you alive again.

Been here for many a year, now all she did was feel and fear.
She gave it all and then the grave.
She left with out saying a word,
not even a gasp to be heard.
We often wonder what could have been,
had she made just one friend.
She is now going along,
building her courage and being strong.
Time will heal her broken heart,
but what she had was torn apart.

I don't write poetry anymore but as you might be able to tell from those poems, I was in a bad place and saw nothing but doom and gloom everywhere I looked. Thankfully things have changed a bit for me.