Dark Days

Dark Days are always there when I'm down,
It always comes when all I can do is frown.
Does it matter that another life it did take,
Wishing at times that I would never wake.
Dark Days will always be around,
Even if theres naught a sound.
Sometimes I wish I would be mistaken,
but instead I was right when it was all taken.
Dark Days will never leave my side,
for its will I have to abide.
I wish that sometime soon,
I'll be a free spirit dancing by the moon.
Dark Days cover the all the stars,
still feeling like I'm on the dreaded mars.
All to wish and hope for,
is for it... like my life... to be no more...

Mary Kirkland 2005

Christmas Tree

here's my tree.

Thoughts

Sometimes I think that I think to much. I seem to dwell on stuff a little to much. Maybe that's why I can't sleep, I don't know. I went to my Psychologists today and I think talking with her just brought up a whole lot of stuff that personally I would rather just forget. I havent spoke with my dad in a while, and I told him that I didn't want him in my life anymore. I feel guilty, but if he were just an acquaintance and not a family member I wouldnt have him anywhere near me and my family, he;s mean and he's a drunk and I can only take so much of him before I get mad and lash out. We fight constantly and i just don't see any reason to keep doing that. So I made a decision not not talk with him anymore. I know that sounds terrible, but he just got out of jail again for beating my step mom up and frankly I can't handle being around them any longer. She won't leave him and I've done all I can do. They are stessing me out way to much, so I'm letting that stress go. I just wish I didn't feel so bad about it.

Gift cards

So today was a friend of the familes b-day. I've known her for a few years and thought it would be nice since she was going to be at my mom's to get her something when I went over to my mom's place. She's more my mom's friend than mine but hey, I thought I was being nice. So I go to Target and get her a $50.00 gift certificate. I thought that was an okay b-day present for someone who's just a friend. I still think it is. I go to my mom's and my mom had her a cake, and gave her a nice silver picture frame. I give her the envelope with the gift certificate in it and when she see's it, she kinda looks at me weird. I tell her I hope she finds something she can use.
She turns to me and has the audacity to say "Well hun, I appreciate the thought but I would never wear anything from Target. Would you mind a great deal if I gave this to my 8 year old niece?"
I was so shocked that she said that. I just looked at her and told her they had some nicer clothes there, but they also had other stuff she might like,. Why not get a bottle of perfume and some munchies or a book and stock up on holiday cards or something.
She laughed and said that she couldn't go to work wearing something she bought at Target. What? Huh?!! The hell you say! She works as an accountant for gods sake, *rolling eyes sarcastically* it's not like she spends thousands of dollars on her wardrobe.! at least I don't think she does. lol Yeah I wanna go to Macys who only makes clothing for the thin people...and pay $100.00 for a scarf! I think not! Shit I should have just given her a $50.00 dollar bill, maybe she could have gotten a pair of socks with it.
Anyway she tells me that she buys all her can do what ever you like with the gift certificate, it is yours.
I then didn't say anyther damn word to the woman as she sat there saying how she couldn't eat an entire piece of cake cause the pounds, the pounds you know. Just how many pounds did she think she would take on her anorexic looking body if she ate two more bites of cake? Oh but then we can't forget if she were to gain a pound or two she wouldn't be able to fit into anthing Macys or Dillaonerds sold and she might have to buy from Target! *Gasp...the horror!*
I have to say that she did try and talk to me before I left and she commented that she liked my earrings and necklace that matched. I looked this woman right in the face and said oh you like this? Well I bought it at the Dollar store, I'm sure they still have several left if you want . LOL She just kinda gave me that OMG I would never ! Look.
Now I remember why I don't 'do' b-day parties. LOLclothing at Macys or Dillards cause there stuff is high quality. Yeah okay what ever! She also buys her cosmetics...yes she said cosmetics, why not just say make-up like an ordinary person? She buys her cosmetics at The Dillards or Macys counter and her perfume is expensive. Well aren't you special! *rolling eyes again*
My mom was staring wild eyed at me...lol I guess she thought I would say something to embarass her. but I just looked at Samantha and said well hun, you can do what ever you want with it. It's your's.
This is why I don't usually go tot birthday parties. sheesh.

Weather

Well it started out a nice morning. The weather man said we had a 30% chance for a stray thunderstorm. In reality when they say 30% chance they really mean run for cover! It's coming! Lock your doors, board up your windows, light the candles, and hope you have some food in your place cause you ain't goin anywhere for a while. Ok, well maybe it wasn't as bad as all that....but about 8:30am, this morning it started raining.....then the thunder and lightning came and then it started pouring.....30% chance my fanny!
Then all the sudden you hear tink....tink....tink..tink..tink..tink..tink...I look outside and it hailing! hail the size of gumballs. It rained, thundered and lighning and hailed for nearly 3 hours. The streets were flooded, the water was pouring off the roof and my car has little ding marks in it. All in all not bad for a 30% chance of rain.

Baby...er....Rat-sitting

I spent most of the day with my mom and took her out to lunch. She asked me to come over cause her neighbor wanted her to rat-sit her 2 rats while she went to New Mexico for 2 weeks. But my mom wouldnt do it. She kept thinking that they were going to bite her when she put her hand in their cage to feed them, but she tolf her she thought I might watch them for her while she was gone. I jumped at the chance to watch her little babies. OMG they are sooo cute. One is all white and has pink eyes. The other is black and white and has black eyes. they are only about a year old and playful as all get out. I had them on the couch with me a little while ago and they just love to run and dive into the couch cishions chasing each other and then sprint over to me and jump on me while rolling around on each other. They were running all over the place. It was so funny. You do realize that as soon as they are gone back to their mommy, I am going to have to go out and get me a couple of new babies. lol That is if my husband will stop saying he's going to move out if I get another cage. LOL

Ebay and Amazon

Well I found a new hobby. lol Selling...
My sister in law gave me a pair of brand new shoes size 7. Now what the hell am I going to do with a pair of size 7's? I wear a 10! Sheesh even my daughter is already an 8. lol So anyway I figured they might sell on Ebay. So I put them up there and I got 10 bids. lol I sold them for $40.00. Not bad for getting them for free. I told my sister in law, "You got anything else you don't want." LOL So she sent me some board games that I put up there. A couple of them were brand new still in the box, one sold allready.
I didn't think it would be that easy to sell.

I've had a few things up for sale on Amazon.com, like books and such. I've heard alot of good things about both and now I know. I Bid on my first thing on Ebay the other day and I won. I bid on a big box of books. 50 mystery paperbacks for $5.00. I was thinking hell that's a good deal. So the shipping and handling was only $10.00 so I got 50 books for $15.00 not a bad deal at all. Can't wait to get them.

What a tangled web we weave.....

It has been a crazy few days. My brother was arrested for violating the restraining order his wife got. But he really didn't violate it. He and his wife had just come from the court house where they decided to work things out in seperating what was who's and all that very amicably. They were going to go back to his place fill out all the necessay paperwork and then file it the next day. It would be cheaper than going through a divorce lawyer. They told the judge that's what they were going to do and thought it would be ok, but my brothers vengeful ex girlfriend found out they were together and called the police and brought them to his place where they arrested him for being within 100 feet of his wife, thus breaking the restraining order, even thought she was at his place. All the charges were dropped after 3 days in jail and he was finally able to go in front of the judge, but his wife had to rescind the restraining order. Now there is a restraining order on the ex girlfriend. lol I could write a damn book.

I took my daughter through one of the haunted houses. There were tooooo many strobe lights and I darn near got sick in the place.We are going to try another one, one that doesn't have all the friggin strobe lights making it hard as hell to walk down the hallways. LOL The only thing I did like about this one was the guy at the end holding the chainsaw...a real chainsaw and as you came by to exit he started it and chased you out. LOL Thankfully there was no chain on it, it was all for the sound effects but you don't knowthat at the time. lol

Just another day

Well yesterday started out normal enough. But those days almost always do. You know the days I'm talking about, the ones where everything will go wrong. So I got up at 5am, feeling beeter. My back wasn't hurting as much as it had been for the past week so I decided to be nice and give my daughter a ride to school and then go do a little shopping. So we pull into her high school and I'm about to let her out of the car when three girls walk up to the car and open it. I'm figuring they are friends of my daughter's. But they start yelling at her. Now I'm thinking, are you kidding me? I'm sitting right here, and they think they can just start calling my kid names and I'm not going to do anything about it? Well I got out of my car and went around to the passenger side, and got between one of the girls and my daughter who is still stilling in the car. This little B&tch proceds to call me a name that I won't even repeat. So I push her back with my sizeable body, never actually laying a finger on the kid, just walking towards her and making her go backwards. So my daughter gets out of the car behind me and the other two girls are behind me and they start yelling at each other. Well I had had enough and told them all either to leave or I was taking them all to the office. They actually laughed at me. LOL One of the girls, the biggest one, gets right up in my face and tells me I can't lay a hand on her but that I better pick my daughter up after school or she was going to beat her ass. Before she knew what was going on I grabbed her behind the neck, (by her jacket collar) and started walking to the office. I told her I warned her. Well just then, yeah it only took 10 minutes for the school police to show up, they rode up on their bicycles and grabbed me, making me let go of the kid. I told them what happened, pointed out the other kids and pointed out the kids who had seen what happened, then we all went to the deans office. The one girl who actually opened my car door is the one who I grabbed and she made the threats, she got suspended for 2 days and her mom got called to pick her up. The other two girls got a warning as did I for grabbing the kid. I guess I'm not allowed to touch the kid if she's coming at me. Well I dont think so. All of this happened, because my daughter happened to talk to the bigger girls boyfriend and eat lunch with him the day before. OMG, are you kidding me? They ate lunch together lets go kick her butt, sheesh how stupid. So Now I'll be driving her to school and picking her up cause she's afraid they might come after her again.

clowns

Your not afraid of clowns are you?

Adopt a nytemare

I found this little cutie at adopt a nytemare .com. Just in time for halloween.

Here's Baby

So this is baby, she is a dwarf hamster. About 3 inches long and weighs less than a pencil. lol So I was looking at her claws and just new today was going to be fun cause I was going to have to try and clip them. They were entirely too long. So the first thing I do is get a small plasic bucket and put about 1/4 inch of warm water in the bottom. I have this stuff called small animal shampoo that I added to the water, cause in their old age, well let;s just say that they get like some elderly people and they don't clean themselves as well as they did when they were young . lol And she was a stinky lil thing. I cleaned her cage while my hubby and daughter made sure she was ok in the water. I mean the water barely came up past her paws and she was running around in it. My hubby started cracking up at one ppoint when she ran to the corner of the bucket and threw herself on her back and wiggled her little butt in the water. She would thenturn over clean her face, run to the next corner and flip over again. LOL It really was funny to watch. So after I was done with her cage, I got her out of the water, and dried her off. They don't like to bed cold so we didn't run the air conditioning while she was wet and I took her in the bathroom and put her in the sink on a towel. I got the hair dryer and turned it on cool /low and started blowing some of the air on her from about 14inches back from her. She sat there just cleaning herself until she was dry. All clean, dry and smells a hell of a lot better, let me tell you. lol

Next thing...nails.
Yeah laugh..lol Think of this...a three inch ball of fur that can bite the hell out of you if she don't like what you are doing and trying to keep her still long enough so that when you clip down on the nail clippers you don't accidentally clip off a toe. But i have gotten good at this. hehehehe i have a small piece of wire cage that I hold and stick a piece of cheese through the other side so she puts her paws on the wire cage and eats the cheese with her claws nicely sticking out the other side. I just wait until she isn't moving and I can get a good piece of nail and cut. Works on the front paws but not the back ones. For that I needed help. I have my daughter give her some pudding on a spoon and I carefully clip the nails that are sticking over my daughters fingers as she eats her pudding. LOL All that took 3 hours. My day is done.

CRICKETS!!!

So for the past few days since it rained we have been inundated with crickets. Not the nice looking light colored ones with wings, we have had the bigass black ones that are ugly. Ewwww.
So this morning I get up, go in the bathroom and what do i see staring at me from the lip of the toilet? Yep you got it...Mr. buggie.
Now think of this, I'm not even awake for 5 minutes, and i do not wake up in a good moood. lol I hardly have my eyes open, my hair is a complete mess and in a tangle all around my face, and I am standing there trying to figure out what to do. So I just knew he was thinking, "go ahead lady, try and sweep my cute little buggie ass in the toilet" Yeah thats what I was thinking and thats what I tried to do. Can you believe I actually thought it would work? No such luck though. As soon as i touched his big ugly buggie body he jumped straight in the air and landed waaay to close to my foot. So i screamed and then I thought, Oh Hell No. So I quickly woke up, bent over, snatched his little buggie butt fromt the floor and all the while I'm walking over to the hamster cage I can feel him squirming around in my hand...ewww
I Open the one of the hamster cages and throw him in it, now at 5am the hamsters are up and lively. Well my mean little hamster runs around the cage chasing down the menacing cricket and finally grabs him, and starts a snackin. LMAOMy sweet little dwarf hamster (ok so not so sweet since everytime I take him out he seems to want to eat my fingers) but anyway, he starts with the crickets head and starts chowing down. LOL
Take that Mr. buggie.

As I am sitting here writing this what do i feel on my foot? Yep, you guessed it a %^$#@ cricket. Well at least I know the hamsters like them. LLMAO

Here are the boys

Here are my Gerbils. Honey and Spirit. I gave them each a pretzel just to get them to stop bouncing all over the couch so i could get a picture. lol They don't usually sit still for very long and don't even think about holding them, they'll jump right out of your hands. If I sit still on the couch they will run all over me, that is until my daughter comes over, snatches one up off the couch and tries to kiss him all over his wittle furry face. LOL

Arts & crafts and keeping busy

Here's one of the Dreamcatchers I made for halloween. So Far I've made 6 of them cause my mom, brother and my neighbors wanted one after seeing the 2 on my wall. At least it's keeping me busy.

The idiot next door.

So my next door neighbors are getting divorced and she took all her stuff out of the apartment. She left this poor guy with a small tv and a small night stand and his clothes. She took everything else, all the dishes, towels, everything. He's been sitting in the apartment drinking and passing out. She told me and my husband and the manager that her husband had a gun and planned on killing himself. So my husband and the apartment manager called the police and asked them to come and check on him and make sure he didn't have a gun. Well the police came out and went to the managers place and talked with them and then 10 more police cars showed up. My hubby called me and told me the police wanted me to close and lock the door and go to the other end of the apartment. 15 cops came to my next door neighbors door with their guns drawn and banged on his door yelling at him to open the door. He wouldn't and he had a security door on the door. They hadn't bothered getting the key from his wife for the security door and they couldn't get in. So they stood out there for what seemed like hours yelling at him and telling him to open the door. What happened was he passed out in the apartment and didn't hear them at the door, but they kept banging on the door anyway. Finally his wife called him on his cell phone and woke him up and he came to the door. He was put in hand cuffs and they were standing out front of my door yelling at him to tell them where his gun was, it turned out the gun was unregistered and he was taken to jail for a little while and then they took him to the adult mental facility to check him out cause he told his wife he was suicidal. They hospital let him go just a few hours after they talked to him. I guess he told them he wasn't going to do anything and they bel;ieved him or something. So now he is going to get evicted on the 1st of october and his wife is going to move back into their apartment. I was stuck in my apartment for 2 hours and when I called my husband to ask him if I could finally open the door he said the police would let me know when I could. They didn't let anyone come out of their apartment until after he was gone in the police car. I guess they didn't want anyone coming out looking at what they were doing while they had him in handcuffs and he was no danger to anyone around here. We should have been able to come out of our places alot sooner as soon as they had him in handcuffs I would ahve theought.

A very long week.

Well, it's been one hell of a long week. My step dad died last thursday and we buried him this past monday. I've spent all that time at my mom's helping her. I finally got home this morning and one of my brothers is going to stay with her over this weekend. After that she said she would be ok to be alone. I think now that we are through with the funeral, people coming in town and all the phone calls, she will be ok. I can understand her not wanting to be alone.

I know I shouldn't complain about this week, and I'm not. I'm going to rant about the stupid shit some people did this week. One in particular is my brothers newest girlfriend. She found out that my step father died in the hallway going into the bathroom, so while she was there in my moms house she refused to go in the bathroom alone. Now I can almost tolerate that. But...This was the very first time we met her. The night before the funeral my brother and I and his new girlfriend stayed with my mom at her place. Just keep in mind this is the first time we had met her. Well since she wouldn't go in the bathroom alone and wanted to spend the least amount of time in there as possible....she decides to disrobe completely in the living room and change into her nightgown. She stood there in front of me, my mom, my brother, and 2 neighbor women butt ass naked and changed her clothes. I swear I almost lost it.
She thought nothing of it and everyone in the living room was too stunned to say anything. I slept in the spare bedroom(where she could have changed her clothes) and she and my brother slept in the pull out bed in the living room. Well she decided she was tired at 8pm and made her bed up and turned the tv off in the living room and told everyone they needed to be quiet cause she needs her sleep. My mom said that it was only 8pm and she had friends over and that they would try to be quiet but if she thought she was going to have a problem she might want to get dressed and go home, well you never saw anyone turn over, shut the fuck up and go to sleep so fast.

That's all I have in me to rant about right now. I just can't believe some people can be so flippin dumb.

Strays

I found a small puppy last night when I went for my walk. Now I mean this was a small small puppy, probably not more than a few weeks old. I knocked on all the doors right around the place where I found him and no body claimed him, so I brought him home with me and fed him and gavce him some water. Poor thing whined all night. He would cry unless he was up near my neck so I slept on the couch with him. I can't keep him, my daughter is allergic to cats and dogs and sure enough last night after she held him for a few minutes she started sneezing and her eyes got all red. So this morning I'm taking him to my moms. LOL I called her last night and her dog, Bootsie, is 14 years old and she knows he probably isn't going to live more than a couple more years. I think this dog is some kind of small terrier. So she said she would take him and she said she thought a good name was Henry. At least I know he'll have a good home, my mom spoils Bootsie like crazy.

WTF is wrong with some people?

My daughter comes and asks me if she and 3 of her other friends can go to the movies last night. I said yes, but before you go I need to know what you are seeing, who's taking you, when you'll be back, what time the movie starts and ends and who's going.
I really didn't think I was asking to much. I mean all these girls are only 14 years old.
So they go back over to Tia's house and call the theatre to find out the times and how much it is. She calls me and tells me they are going to see the Cave and it ends at 7:20pm. Tia's dad was taking them and he said he would be there to pick them up at 9pm. I was like wait, 9pm? She said yeah that they wanted to go to the arcade in the the hotel and play some games. I was like it's going to be 7:30 at night and 4 teenage girls are going to be walking alone in the hotel? No this isn't a good idea. You see I know these girls and a couple of them are real bad apples. So I tell her to tell tia's dad that I expect them to be home at 8pm and I hear her tell hima and he says ok. So about 7:30 last night my daughter calls me and tells me that tia's dad called tia on her cell phne and told her they were having car trouble and he was going to be there at 9pm. I asked my daughter what they were going to do and do you know what she told me? She said well tia's dad gave us $20.00 for the arcade so were going to go play. Now tell me this......
If tia's dad had any intention at all of picking them up at 7:30 why did he give them money for the arcade?
And why didn't he just call me if he had car trouble to go and pick the kids up?
So I told my daughter to make suyre she stayed in the arcade that I would be there in a few minutes to pick them up.
I went over to tia's dads first to see if they were working on his car and of course they werent. I asked him why he didn't just call me to pick them up and he said he thought I was being to over protective. I was so pissed. I told him I was too mad to talk right then but when I got back with the kids we were going to talk. I went and picked the kids up at 8pm and of course one of them was gone. She went up on the roof. So we had to call ehr on her cell phone and she was like I don't have to come down I said well I dont have to give you a ride homw. lol So she got donw and I teold her mother what she did going on the roof and she did nothing, she said noithing. I just can't believe these parents. WTF is wrong witrh them? It's not me, I know I was right...These kids are 14 years old, anything could happen to them. So me and tias father had a long talk last night. He still thinks I am too over protective and should ahve let them stay in the arcade until 9 pm. Well thats not the problem. the problem is that he gave them money for the aracde and had no intention of picking them up when I asked and he lied to me. Thats not right. I'm sure I'll have more to right later after we talk again, cause my kid might not be able to go anywhere with him and his kid if he is going to lie to me. I may have to be the one to drive them and pick them up from now on. This is ridiculous.

little extra

My husband won a couple hundred dollars playing the slot machines yesterday. So after buying a few things we needed, we both took $50.00 for ourselves. So now I'm wondering what to go and spend it on. I've made a list of things I want to get and I always have it on hand. Cause it never fails. When I get a little money to play around with I can't think of anything I really wanted until I spent the money and then think damn, I should have got that. LOL
So I'm either going to go refresh my book supply or I'm going to go to Joannes and michaels and see what sort of halloween goodies they have on sale. Although amazon.com seems to ahve really good prices on halloween stuff right now. I need more statues and stuff to go on my shelves this year.
Well, ok. Now I just made up my mind what I'll be getting. LOL
I saw a statue of a grimm reaper at amazon for 12.99 and I think I'll start off and get that or maybe 2 of them...one for each side of the book shelf. Ok, I'm off to buy scary things....wheeeee