I'm back

I'm back online but not completely back to doing the things that I used to do. I just can't seem to get into them yet. My family and I buried my mother on June 30th and it's been a real living hell since then. I feel like I am walking around in a world that isn't real and my world has just fallen apart. There's nothing that can lift the darkness from my life and nothing is going to change that except maybe time.

I did not expect my mother to die this soon. My brothers and I had just been asking her to move in with my older brother less than a month ago. We wanted to to be safe where we didn't have to worry about her falling down and no one being there with her to call for help...and now she's gone. It all seems like a nightmare right now and i can't seem to pull myself out of this deep dark depressed hell I am in.

I've struggled with depression for years but I don't think I have ever felt like this....no one should ever feel like this. I'm sure in time things will get better and the pain won't be as sharpe as it is right now, but it seems like nothing in the world will ever be right again.