Went to the mall

So I took my daughter and her friend to the mall today. I should have know better. They were packed and as soon as we walked by the pet store I knew there was going to be a problem. Hamsters, ducks , bunnies.... Everywhere! man i had to get my kid outta there fast before she wanted "New Pets" We allready have enough as it is. lol

It's almost Easter

So today i went to a few differnt stores and bought Easter stuff so I could make some baskets up. My daughter loves ducks, always has. So I made sure to get her a couple of ducks to go in her basket. I had a thought, I thought I would try and make my own Peeps. Yeah right, that didn't work. LOL Take a large marshmallow, roll it in your hands and then try to shape it into something...ummmm well if you can get all the sticky mess of your hands long enough to shape something that is. Then roll it in sugar. hmmmmm I took a bite, and had to spit it out, I don't know what king of sugar they use but it sure as hell isn't table sugar. LOL Ack.

But I've been experimenting with some cake ideas, I think this year I'll make a easter basket cake.

Things can awalys get worst, right?

Sometimes I wonder why things happen the way they do. Right when I don;t think things can get any worst, I am proved wrong. My brother just told me that his doctor thinks he is gong to have to have a kidney transplant because of the Tb medication he was on after getting exposed to TB while he was transporting someone in the ambulance to the hospital. The medication he had to take for 9 months had bad side effects and now the docs think it may have really messed up his kidneys. I am hoping things will be alright, but I don;t know.

My mom is doing better, though. She has another docor appointment on tuesday, they'll x-ray her leg and make sure it is healing up good. But then next month I have to take her to get her heart checked out. They think she has a blockage in her heart and she may have to have an angioplasty. I wish things would just be alright for a little while. All this drama is making my head hurt.

been a while

I have been at my mom's place while she is recovering and am just now getting back home for a couple of days. I'm going to rest, sleep in my own bed, rest, eat, rest...lol get the picture? Then go back to my mom's house for about a week and hopefully be home for good. She is getting batter everyday, she won't be able to walk for another 3 months but she can stand on her other foot and skip across the floor in her walker. I'll still be busy as I''ll probably have to go to her house to check on her every other day and still taker her to the doctors visits, since my brothers havent bothered to come and help at all.

I'll get back in touch with everyone soon. :)

I finally have 5 minutes to myself!

LOL Yeah and 5 minutes from now I'm sure I'll be doing something else. But now that I'm here...the reason I've been gone is my mom fell and broke her femur, pelvis, and hip. Damn I know that hurt. She had surgery to put it all back together and now she is in rehab. I am waiting on approval for my biopsy from my insurance, hopefully this week. I hope so cause I want to do allready and get it done. I don't want to do it at all, but my family is pretty much telling me I have to. I know that, but I also rememebr how uncomfortable it was. Not a nice thing to have done. I hate needles..doctor...insurance companies...dieseases...cancer...damn I just hate everything right now. I am a little stressed, a little angry, a little overwhelmed, and a little better than last week.
I'll get back here as often as possible. but after my mom gets out of rehab in a a few weeks I may have to go and live with her for a month.

Prophet Mohammad cartoons

http://www.humaneventsonline.com/sarticle.php?id=12146

Here is the link to see the cartoons that were published in a danish newspaper if you havent seen them. This is what has sparked all the controversy? You have got to be kidding. I am sick to death of hearing how these people aren't violent and then a cortoon is published and they go and kill people and burn embassys because of it.

So here I was siting on the comfy couch watching tv, when this stupid fly started buzzing me. I thnk he was trying to commit hary carey by flying into my head a few times, but anyway. So It wouldn't leave me lone and then I wake up today to find we have even more flys in the apartment. Hey damnit ti's still winter! Don't flys know that they are supposeed to be hybernating or what ever they do in the winter?

So today I go and get these fly paper catchers, they are a vomit yellew paper that hangs down from the ceiling. I open it up, damn thing is sticky! sticky fly paper gets stuck to my fngers, damn fly is still buzzing over my head as I tack the paper to the ceiling, wobbling precaresly on my chair as I finally get the thing up there.

Now I have this horrible looking yellow vomit colored sticky fly paper hanging from the ceiling with 7 dead flies hanging from it. Niiiice.

Out with mom.

I took my mom to the indoor swapmeet today. We were there for about 2 hours. My mom can look at everything in a pace. lool She bought some pepper spray, I jsut hope she doesn't spray herslef with it. Anyway I bought some new nail art stuff, cause I bought some acrylic nail tips to do at home.

I also found a great place or avon stuff and bout some thing sfrom them.

I sold about 10 books on amazon.com so I found a book place in the swapmeet and stocked up on more books.

I sold 2 mystery boxes on ebay, so I got rid of some stuff that I would have never used, but they seemed to have liked the boxes. I also sold a box of vhs tapes, I made out pretty good his week.

You ever think....

some strange shit? Well I do. This morning I was wondering about my ancestry. Like how do I know if I do a family tree that it would be accurate? think about it. Now stay with me....What if ....lets say back in 1800 my ancesters had 5 kids then somehow they, the parent s die, house fire, ot shot what ever. All the small kids got places with surrounding neighbors and since they were to small to remember they were never told about their real parents. Are ya with me so far? Now those ive kids had kids who had kids, and so on never kowing they were form lets call them the smith famil. They thought they were from a, b, c, d, and e families. So now My ancesters were from one of those kids that got placed with another family and my real ancestry line was stopped. Or was it? There might have been uncles or aunts that came looking for the kids and never found them, now their familes are my real ancesters but I'll never know that. Are you confused yet? Good cause my brain hurts. lol

Pain....is only temporary...

or so I'm told. Heh.

I took my daughter to the Mall today and she had decided tog et her ears pierced today , but there was another girl there ahead of us when we got there and while we waited for them to be finished we picked out the pair of earrings she wanted. So the girl was getting her ears pierced and she started crying, the mother had to hold the kids head still in order for the woman to do the other ear. All the while I'm watching my daughter's face and just had this feeling that she wouldnt go through with it. LOL SO I was bad. I asked the woman if she had any velcro restraints cause we might have to tie my daughter to the chair in order to keep her form running out of the store, LOL The woman looked horrified at me and I saw my daughters face and knew the moment she had decided not to do it. LOL We walked out of there with no ear piercing done. LMAO

Perks

Today I got in the mail my $20.00 gift certificate to Borders books and my new Cd Pink Floyds the Division Bell. I got these as perks for doing some online surveys for the past few months. I only do them every once in a while and they give me pretty cool perks. I love going into a book store and being able to buy stuff for free. I bought Incubus Dreams by Laurel K. Hamilton and a few books from Christine Feehan. Just love those Vampire Romances. Heh eheh

When Gerbils attack!!!!

Argggggg! WTF! I had my gerbils out on the couch with me tonight and they were jumping around like crazy gerbils do, when my tan colored one (Honey) comes up to me and sits on my shoulder, turns around and nibbles on my ear, well, I shushed him away from my earring, since that's what I thought he was going for, but it turns out he doesn't like to get shushed away when he is attacking a piece of jewely. He comes back, juming here and there and latches on to my dangle earring and starts a munchin. Ok, no biggie, I take it off. problem solved, right? WRONG!!!

I think he is coming up to my face to sniff me, like they do so often, when all of the sudden. CRUNCH. He latches on to my bottom lip and starts crunchin. ouch! Damn he has some sharp ass teeth. I have 2 holes in my bottom lip, I'm bleeding and here comes (spirit) The white gerbil to see what that yummy red stuff is all over my fingers and lip. ouch! little shit bit my finger trying to taste the blood. WTF! Is it a full moon? Did some vampire rodent bite my babies last night? I'm thinking what the hell is going on? They don't usually bite me. I put them back in the cage, take care of my wounds, should I get rabies shots? lol

then go back to pet them and let them know everything is allright. I can't believe Honey bit me again! I now have a sore lip a sore finger and a bite on my forearm.
Is it something in the water?

Crazy

So I went to the mall with my daughter and used out gift certificates to a shop in the mall. I used my gift certificate online a few days ago and thought I had only $5.00 left on it so I only got one thing while I was there. But the guy tells me that the ful $25.00 isstill left on it, so I got more stuff, I was happy as hell. ;) But figured that whatever I got online didn't go through. So I get home and what is waiting for me? A box of stuff from the same shop I just shopped at. Yep, somehow they never took the money off the gift certificate when I ordered online and so I go all that stuff for free, then I look in the box and there is a pair of $38.00 jeans that just happen to fit my daughter in the box that I didn't order and they aren't on the receipt, they just gave them to me by mistake! So with my $25.00 gift certificate I got $50.00 worth of merchandise and a free $38.00 pair of jeans for my daughter. How cool is that. (the shops name was left out of this post for apparent reasons.) heh heh

Optimistic VS Pessimistic

You ever wonder why some people are optomistic and others are pessimistic? I have. I myself am overly pessimistic...even negative. I'm the only one in my family to have this disease. I call it a disease because that's the way my family thinks of it, even my husband. I've endured years of therapy to try and 'fix me' I've recently come to the conclusion that there's nothing wrong with me. I stopped seeing the therapist and I'm not going back...to hell with her and her you'll be 'normal' one day. Why is it that happy people don't think you are normal unless you are happy right along with them? I have lived with this negative, pessimistic outlook all of my life and frankly I am comfortable being me. I am not going to change who I am just cause the people around me want me to. I don't want to.


By now, you are probably wondering why I have such a negative outlook on life. The reason why I have this negative outlook on life is actually rather simple: because life and humans in general do indeed suck. People die, cheat, steal, lie and kill. I realize this is a rather recursive argument, but I don't care. Why do I believe that life sucks? Because, everything I have experienced in my 35 years of life has proved to me that this is so. Sure, there is the occasional bright spot every now and then, but life on the whole still remains as horrid as ever.

Some people grow up with everything handed to them, money, love, things, all the luxuries of life and still they are not happy. That should tell you something. Life can suck even if you have everything. To me I think it is an individual thing. Why do therapists think they have to 'fix' you if you are a negative person? Maybe some people are just suppossed to be negative, like some people are born to be happy and positive. Some people are tall and some are short some are happy and some are not. That's what makes us different. We don';t live in a utopia and we never will. To me that old saying is true....Life sucks...then you die.

Post Holiday blues

Does anyone besides me get them? I've been in a bad mood all week. Could have somthing to do with my Teddy Bear Hamster dying on December 24th. She was 2 years old and I wasn't expecting it at all. I woke up and she had died in her sleep. The only thing is I'm glad if she was going to die that she went in her sleep, it's hard to take one of them to the snimal hospital and watch as they put them to sleep, or watch as they get sick, I would much rather have them die in their sleep, which doesn;t happen all that often, most of the time I have to take them to the vet.

I think The holidays just depress me, I don't know why but they do.

Dark Days

Dark Days are always there when I'm down,
It always comes when all I can do is frown.
Does it matter that another life it did take,
Wishing at times that I would never wake.
Dark Days will always be around,
Even if theres naught a sound.
Sometimes I wish I would be mistaken,
but instead I was right when it was all taken.
Dark Days will never leave my side,
for its will I have to abide.
I wish that sometime soon,
I'll be a free spirit dancing by the moon.
Dark Days cover the all the stars,
still feeling like I'm on the dreaded mars.
All to wish and hope for,
is for it... like my life... to be no more...

Mary Kirkland 2005

Christmas Tree

here's my tree.

Thoughts

Sometimes I think that I think to much. I seem to dwell on stuff a little to much. Maybe that's why I can't sleep, I don't know. I went to my Psychologists today and I think talking with her just brought up a whole lot of stuff that personally I would rather just forget. I havent spoke with my dad in a while, and I told him that I didn't want him in my life anymore. I feel guilty, but if he were just an acquaintance and not a family member I wouldnt have him anywhere near me and my family, he;s mean and he's a drunk and I can only take so much of him before I get mad and lash out. We fight constantly and i just don't see any reason to keep doing that. So I made a decision not not talk with him anymore. I know that sounds terrible, but he just got out of jail again for beating my step mom up and frankly I can't handle being around them any longer. She won't leave him and I've done all I can do. They are stessing me out way to much, so I'm letting that stress go. I just wish I didn't feel so bad about it.

Gift cards

So today was a friend of the familes b-day. I've known her for a few years and thought it would be nice since she was going to be at my mom's to get her something when I went over to my mom's place. She's more my mom's friend than mine but hey, I thought I was being nice. So I go to Target and get her a $50.00 gift certificate. I thought that was an okay b-day present for someone who's just a friend. I still think it is. I go to my mom's and my mom had her a cake, and gave her a nice silver picture frame. I give her the envelope with the gift certificate in it and when she see's it, she kinda looks at me weird. I tell her I hope she finds something she can use.
She turns to me and has the audacity to say "Well hun, I appreciate the thought but I would never wear anything from Target. Would you mind a great deal if I gave this to my 8 year old niece?"
I was so shocked that she said that. I just looked at her and told her they had some nicer clothes there, but they also had other stuff she might like,. Why not get a bottle of perfume and some munchies or a book and stock up on holiday cards or something.
She laughed and said that she couldn't go to work wearing something she bought at Target. What? Huh?!! The hell you say! She works as an accountant for gods sake, *rolling eyes sarcastically* it's not like she spends thousands of dollars on her wardrobe.! at least I don't think she does. lol Yeah I wanna go to Macys who only makes clothing for the thin people...and pay $100.00 for a scarf! I think not! Shit I should have just given her a $50.00 dollar bill, maybe she could have gotten a pair of socks with it.
Anyway she tells me that she buys all her can do what ever you like with the gift certificate, it is yours.
I then didn't say anyther damn word to the woman as she sat there saying how she couldn't eat an entire piece of cake cause the pounds, the pounds you know. Just how many pounds did she think she would take on her anorexic looking body if she ate two more bites of cake? Oh but then we can't forget if she were to gain a pound or two she wouldn't be able to fit into anthing Macys or Dillaonerds sold and she might have to buy from Target! *Gasp...the horror!*
I have to say that she did try and talk to me before I left and she commented that she liked my earrings and necklace that matched. I looked this woman right in the face and said oh you like this? Well I bought it at the Dollar store, I'm sure they still have several left if you want . LOL She just kinda gave me that OMG I would never ! Look.
Now I remember why I don't 'do' b-day parties. LOLclothing at Macys or Dillards cause there stuff is high quality. Yeah okay what ever! She also buys her cosmetics...yes she said cosmetics, why not just say make-up like an ordinary person? She buys her cosmetics at The Dillards or Macys counter and her perfume is expensive. Well aren't you special! *rolling eyes again*
My mom was staring wild eyed at me...lol I guess she thought I would say something to embarass her. but I just looked at Samantha and said well hun, you can do what ever you want with it. It's your's.
This is why I don't usually go tot birthday parties. sheesh.

Weather

Well it started out a nice morning. The weather man said we had a 30% chance for a stray thunderstorm. In reality when they say 30% chance they really mean run for cover! It's coming! Lock your doors, board up your windows, light the candles, and hope you have some food in your place cause you ain't goin anywhere for a while. Ok, well maybe it wasn't as bad as all that....but about 8:30am, this morning it started raining.....then the thunder and lightning came and then it started pouring.....30% chance my fanny!
Then all the sudden you hear tink....tink....tink..tink..tink..tink..tink...I look outside and it hailing! hail the size of gumballs. It rained, thundered and lighning and hailed for nearly 3 hours. The streets were flooded, the water was pouring off the roof and my car has little ding marks in it. All in all not bad for a 30% chance of rain.